You know you want to. You want to know what's behind the door, you know who you could be behind the door. So don't just stand there, if you dare ... if it makes you happy ... open the door, come in.

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    Post  Sakito on Sun Sep 04, 2011 4:44 am

    "M-moshi moshi?" He hadn't realize just how nervous he was as he stuttered trhough his answer.

    "Uke! Hello," he chimed cheerily, forgetting the rush he was in and focusing on the conversation. Apparently, he'd also forgotten that he was the one who made the call.

    "Hi, how are you? Long day, huh?" Sakito didn't want to just barge in and say what he wanted to, but he had to make sure that it was still on high priority. If he forgot, Reita would find him and he'd be balls deep in a heap of trouble.

    "Yeah ..." merely and plainly replied the brunette, he wasn't too good at this meeting-new-people skill thing. Moreover, he was mentally prepared to talk to someone else, so this was totally taking him off guard.

    Sakito frowned to himself-- this kid was kind of... how do you say... uninteresting. He wondered what Reita saw in him, but wouldn't judge, "Hmm, this is Sakito. ...Sakito Takaguchi? Do you have a second? I think I need to talk to you." Nevermind-- he'd just cut to the chase. Oh well... he tried.

    “Why would you need to … why … are you with Reita’s phone?” nervously blubbered the brunette. He really didn't do to well with this type of stress, and he was actually kind of wishing that they got to the point already.

    “Hmm?” Sakito asked curiously, a playful smile coming into play, “He’s been having a tough day, so I thought I’d take off the stress a little,” he mused innocently, tilting his head. “You’ve been kind of hard on him, don’t you think...?” Sakito paused to say more, but hesitated.

    Why did he have to be told anything by someone whom he didn’t even know? This wasn’t any of his business now was it? But perhaps, that is what real life friends did, they had each other’s back; though it was sort of hard for Kai to imagine Reita wanting anyone to meddle with his business. Yet here he was talking to him instead of the blond. What to do with situation? “... I do not recall having any of my friends going up to him each day he had been to me …” he impulsively blurted out, and immediately regretted it.

    “Been to you?” Sakito replied immediately, almost regretting it as he did, “Been to you how? Like going out of his way to see you or bumping into each other or texting you or... webcamming?” Wait... that was Sakito getting off track again, “But he hasn’t said anything much-- it’s easy to see that he’s a little rattled from his normal swing, that’s all.”

    The way he was putting it now, made him not only feel like he was the greatest scam on Earth, but it also made it so that all the tormented days he had gone through in the past week had been unreasonable. Yet he had cried all he needed to cry and hurt more than he thought he could and … wait … had this Sakito kid just said that Reita was … trying? That he was … suffering? Trying to cool his rage down, he took a deep breath and inquired as calmly as he could “... because I do not understand him to well, it easy for me to … misunderstand … and you also do not quite know me, thus misunderstanding is at the order of the day but … that aside .. since you do know him, I’ll ask you this …” he then paused contemplating on whether or not he should really ask him “... actually … never mind … nothing against you … I just really want to talk to Reita …” he almost pleaded “... we were finally starting to text nicely before you took the phone …” he then pointed out.

    “Eh?” Sakito almost pouted again, “Oh, I took the phone from him after you left detention. You looked like you were avoiding him and didn’t want to look at him, so... So I took his phone.” He chuckled awkwardly and shook his head, “Why be so nice to him when Shera’s after you?” Sakito could come off as awkward and bambling in public, but he was a bit more curt on the phone-- not to mention he was still watching out for Reita in the halls.

    What was this about Shera now? Were they really analyzing his behaviour around the bleach blond? Though … he supposed that the way he acted around the elder was to be consider more than friendly. but he hadn’t meant it on purpose! For one, he didn't think Reita cared, and second he was trying not to hurt Shera himself; though he knew he was going the wrong way about it. “As you said, Shera is the one after me, not vice versa …and I am being nice to Reita because he is not going after me …” he then professed, hesitantly speaking out last part, and grabbing all the courage he could muster he then added “... or is he?”

    Sakito sighed his part softly, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Are we supposed to believe that...?” he was shaking his head again, “You know that Shera is very popular and doesn’t do drugs... Just as you know that Reita’s just a step above scum and... drowns himself in toxins-- the same way fish crave water and food.” Sakito stopped at that point and frowned to himself. What kind of question was that? Did Kai like Reita? … No way, right? No. No chance. He sighed again, picking his words carefully, “Reita... won’t chase you. Shera is being kind to you and makes it clear. You sit with PRIDE at lunch more often nowadays and people saw you dragged to the party last Friday with Shera holding your hand. There are a lot of eyes at this school, Kai; and even many more chattering teeth,” he sighed again lightly, still holding the bridge of his nose, “but I’m sure you’re well aware of this.” Sakito knew that he was speaking like a counselor, but Kai really seemed unaware of what he was doing.

    How was he trembling? It wasn’t out of anger he was sure. It just felt very hopeless all of a sudden, as if Sakito was trying his very best to deny everything that he was, or simply give a perfect excuse to him to maybe just forget about Reita. Well he wouldn’t. “So are you saying that because Reita is a junkie, which is how you just described him, and Shera a perfect member of society, I should make the decision on whom I am supposed to love based on that? …” he began feeling quite frustrated and truthfully at this point it didn’t matter if he held back anymore “... I do not know you, so I will not make an ass of myself, but have you ever been in love before? Or anything akin to that? … cause if you had you’d know that you do not exactly get to choose. And in my case, it would have probably been much more convenient and sane as you put it to have perhaps fallen for Shera in the same way he alas fell for me … but. I. Am. Not” specified the brunette “I do not like Shera that way. I do spend a lot of time with PRIDE kids, because they are cool, and I do not mind having real friends as well. As for Reita, believe it or not, I do not give a flying shit about whether he is a saint, the devil, or a junkie … I could care less. I just like him because he is he.” Ooops … what he just said?! “... and this shows that you probably do not know how we met in the first place”.

    Sakito frowned. He wasn’t quite expecting that, but what can you do? Retort like a boss. “Are you saying that you’re in love with Reita, if you don’t love Shera?” he asked airily, leaning against the wall. This was getting interesting now, though. “Do you even know what it means to love anything? I doubt you’re of age and you’re being like this? Let go of the dramatics; I don’t need to know how you met.” he frowned deeper and started to pace. This was going on a lot longer than he needed to, “You should be nicer to him.”

    “What’s age got to do with anything …” Kai began angrily hissing. He’d had enough. People in the Starbucks began to look at him appalled but he didn’t care; how dare he? “Are you supposed to tell me the right time and age to switch on my emotional buttons?! Yes! I might be a drama queen, the worst of drama queens, but that is just the way I react to things, and you have no right to just jump into something, which absolutely doesn’t concerns you, and do your best to make me feel like I am such a despicable person when you have absolutely no clue about the first thing regarding me. Which, I am sure you do not care about” resignedly yelled the brunette in frustration, all the anger and desperation puring out on this poor boy named Sakito “like I even know at this point, I do not know if you are just worrying about him, or just trying to put me down, or what the hell, I have no idea! So far all I have gathered is that you do not want to understand or believe a word that comes out of my mouth, simply put, I am just not good. Telling me to be nicer to him …” he almost hysterically snickered “... I want nothing but to be nice to him, I want nothing but for things to get better with him, that’s why I texted, that’s why I was so nervously waiting for his reply randomly sitting here in this Starbucks! But … as you said that wasn’t even Reita to begin with. So how do I even know if he really wants this anyways!” he exclaimed his voice noticeably shaking “All I wanted was to talk to him, was that so much to ask?! But whatever, thanks for calling and clarifying just how highly you all think of me” with that he ended the call, and forcefully getting to his feet in front of bemused looking Starbucks crew and clients he took off, rushed towards his house, cursing himself for ever having tried to even as to think of caring about somebody. Fuck it all.

    Last edited by Sakito on Sun Sep 04, 2011 5:26 am; edited 1 time in total

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    Post  Sakito on Sun Sep 04, 2011 5:25 am

    **Hi! I just wanted to have a separate post for the phone conversation, because it was kind of long the way it was. ^ ^; Also don't forget that my phone is still nowhere to be found... I'm pretty sure I left it in my friend's car. x x;**

    Wow... Sakito definitely wasn't expecting a reaction like that. He frowned and tried to muse over the things he'd said and how they probably egged on such a reaction. Not much came to him as he deleted any evidence of his snooping, pocketing the device sullenly.

    All he wanted to say was, "Reita likes you a lot. Be nice to him." Was it so difficult? He only got halfway there, and only enough to embarrass himself.

    He found Reita later at the front bus loop frowning and holding out a demanding hand. After the few steps left towards that impatient glare, Sakito handed the phone over with a small shrug.

    "Messing with my things again?" the blonde asked, flipping open his phone and searching through it with an eager air that Sakito knew he was trying to hide. He bit his lip nervously and searched around for the after-school buses. Now Kai was even more angry than he'd been scared when Kazuki pulled him to detention earlier-- it probably wasn't a good thing.

    He'd be in trouble if Reita found out-- but he was only trying to help, right? He hadn't meant for his temper and protectiveness get in the way of that. Well, Reita would probably find out anyways, right? Right. For now, he would just wait and hope that his friend would be able to get himself out of this mess he'd accidentally stirred up.

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    Post  Reita on Sun Sep 04, 2011 5:48 am

    Reita nearly snatched his phone readily-- wondering what kind of trouble Sakito was making with it, but didn't see any new messages or calls that he himself hadn't made, so...

    Right. Kai's text.

    Looking back at it, it made him nervous. The way he saw what? He frowned lightly, glancing up once at Sakito before typing his own reply.

    Does it ever occur to you that not everything turns out as ideal as it should? That everyone has things they look forward to and things they dread? It's like speaking two different languages, isn't it?

    All he hoped was that it wasn't too much or pushing too far. That last question was to be the slightest bit helpful, but Reita wasn't sure if it would quite cut it. There really were a lot of things between them that just caused so much tension and things to go wrong at the worst moments.

    His thoughts flitted back to that kiss and how he technically hadn't even seen Kai with Shera save for a few glances. He was still a little iffy on whether he could stop being a irate or not, but the nap had helped.

    He rubbed at his face-- if they could just talk... Shaking his head and calling himself a weak fool, he nudged Sakito as their bus arrived. Maybe he was getting a little too far into this.

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    Post  Kai on Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:58 am

    He'd always wondered how it was that people kept repeating that so overly used sentence so lonely among many and truly meant it. As he walked among the crowd in Shinjuku though, he finally understood.

    The worst part however, was that he knew there was no video-gaming, no role playing, no nothing that would have made him feel any better. All that he felt was that scratchy sensation at the back of his throat, and the tingling behind his eyes.

    He also didn't feel like going home, too small, too familiar, too filled with all his drama queen moments as he had been recently been forced to called them. Laughable. How had he passed from indifferent to drama queen in two weeks? This could have been avoided if perhaps he had allowed to slowly interact with people a bit more during his seventeen years of life though couldn't have it?

    Instead of relying on the characters on his plasma TV, the words in a chat, the disguised encounters at a con. If he had applied himself a bit more, he would have seen he'd have a lot of use for all those human emotions he had so effortlessly let slip away from himself without a care. He wouldn't have felt the sense of emptiness which had tormented him to the point of making him go out of his way to look for a drug.

    If he'd given this world a chance, and worked a little harder to be a proper member of its society, without having to be necessarily swept into the mundane and trivial; would he have been able to react and handle the situation he was suddenly in?

    Who knew at this point.

    As he kept walking around Shinjuku, he listlessly stared at shop-windows, when his phone suddenly vibrated, reminding him that he had forgotten to turn it off. He truly had had enough for the day, there wasn't a cell in him that felt like he wanted to deal with anything or anyone, at least for today.

    Moreover, as he realized that just because it is your phone it didn't mean that other people wouldn't use it, made it even harder to want to start bothering. Seriously. Without even checking the text or the sender, he promptly turned it off, and kept on with his random walk in the middle of Shinjuku.

    Why wasn't the sky like his itunes? Why couldn't it sense his mood, and maybe make it rain. Why was it so sunny, so happy looking? Was it perhaps that he was the only sad person in this crowd? Yet, if the sky could do him the favor to just cry for him instead, wouldn't it be grand?

    #I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR PHONE (lol like it died or something lololol)! I have both your google voice and you regular phone saved with the same name so I was quite confused when I red that message. Lesson learned: write goo next to the google voice number. Hope you get it soon ne? Hope you had fun despite that last night! Going to reply Sakito then do some cooking … cousin still has to eat somehow, if not he'll starve … men really need to learn how to cook this days …. SIGH … WELCOME BACK TO THE DORM!#

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    Post  Reita on Mon Sep 05, 2011 1:40 am

    The bus ride was long, uneventful, and a little more than languid. Reita waved off Sakito with a bored stare and nod as the brunette's stop arrived-- it was matched back but with a small, distant smile.

    Leaning his head on the ever-trembling glass, Reita watched Sakito walk off to his house; most likely to bug Mally until she decided what she wanted Sakito to cook for the night. The blonde almost ached for such a life, but he knew better than that. People shouldn't be trusted or leaned upon-- it only resulted in bad things.

    But that didn't mean that he couldn't be a support himself, right? The thought was instantly regretted as he silently wondered if he could help Kai out in whatever ate him when there wasn't anyone else around. He bit his lip and looked at his phone again.

    Was he just not going to reply?

    Maybe they really were just two people speaking completely different languages from different backgrounds that just wouldn't work together. Reita, shut the hell up. He's probably busy, unlike yourself, you useless little punk.

    But what if he didn't say anything...? Reita contemplated sending another text message and put his phone away, knowing that if he kept it out, he'd end up sending that text. What a terrible idea. He clunked his head against the glass for extra measure before his stop arrived-- this was really getting him nowhere, so why continue?

    Why would he chase someone that always kept their distance so easily, but intimidate him when they got close?

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    Post  Kai on Mon Sep 05, 2011 10:34 am

    What the hell had he been up to in the past five years of his life? As he kept walking through Shinjuku, that was the only thought hammering in his head. Yes it was a quite obnoxious district for some respects, but there were so many other interesting parts, which he had never noticed.

    All he knew how to do was going to all the arcades, and internet cafe` in it. That was about it; everything else was just a blur, for he didn't needed it, he always told himself, physical, real, interaction with fellow human beings, wasn't needed. Virtual, emotionless, was the way to go. That used to be is motto; he's way of life.

    Kai, the human cyborg, whom was currently walking bemused among the streets of his city, wanting to try and do so much, his head could have exploded. And just like that, out of nowhere, as if it were to have been the most natural thing to think about, he wondered if Reita had ever done any of these things. But, in the same way in which the thought had rushed in, it also left, as he was reminded that he needed not to think about the blond for a moment; plus he might have not liked any of all these things.

    Though he couldn’t be quite sure, but Reita didn't seem to like activities in general. He hung around his friends trying who knew what drug, and seemed to be okay with that. But did he? Was he really? God Kai wished he knew. There was still so much he wanted, he needed to know, but every time they tried to get anywhere, they constantly fell into the same hole; which was sacrilegious for a rather skilled video-game player such as himself.

    Still thinking of him, are you not Kai? It was inevitable though, he just couldn't not think about him, and preposterous as it was and would sound, he wanted him to be here with him anyways, even if there wasn't an activity in this city he wanted to do, even if it meant for Kai to have to follow him and go shopping for good deals on drugs, he didn’t care. He just wanted him there.

    “Hello there young lad ...” serenely greeted a street artist, whom seemed to be holding some sort of painting event “... you seem like you could use a bit of color, want to try?” she inquired, pointing at an empty easle with a white canvas on it. Around said isle, there were other isles being used by all sorts of other pedestrians, ranging from businessmen, to groups of high school girls.

    “I am sorry, I … do not know how to draw ...” politely apologized Kai.

    “Oh dear, this is not what this is about ...” readily replied the woman, as she kindly wrapped her arm around Kai's and guided him towards the easel “... you do not have to draw anything sensible on this … consider this as a mirror … all you have to do is choose any color and just paint the way you feel right now, then when you are done, take it off and leave to dry on the floor, while you draw the way you would like to feel compared to that” she explained handing him a brush, and pointing at colors on a little table-stand by the easle.

    Staring at the canvas, Kai wondered if this was a good idea at all. If he were to draw anything at all, with the way he was feeling right not, it most certainly wasn't going to look anything peachy and nice “I may not have enough money for-” he tried to politely refuse, but he was as politely interrupt.

    “No need for money, I do this once a week for free here int the streets, my studio is around the Tokyo Tower area if you were to be further interested though, so do not worry ...” she reassured “... also do not worry about how dark your first painting is, look at the floor as you can see, they are not all to happy are they? … that over there … she completely painted the canvas black … but ...” she then stopped smiling at him “... when they start drawing the second one … that is when the fun begins” she concluded, winking at him and leaving to go and look as other paintings.

    Helplessly standing in front of the white canvas with his brush, Kai almost shyly regarded it, as if he were looking at someone naked. Then, after having taking another look at the paintings on the floor, some of which made absolutely no sense whatever, he lightly exhaled from his nose, and reached his brush towards the color black, and dipped it in.

    Trying in the best of his abilities to draw to cliffs opposing each other, he drew to stick figures on top of them, facing each other from each side of the far far off cliffs. Cleaning the brush he drew random pointy blond hair on one of the figures, which made him slightly laugh. It was kinda cute. Then dipping the brush into gray he drew a spiral around them, like a tornado cone. With red and various mixture of dark colors he began to randomly draw things, and other stick human in the spiral all around his own and Reita's stick figures.

    Before he knew it, he almost couldn’t tell apart his own figure in the middle of all that chaos, the same as for Reita in his own chaos. Yet, as he newly dipped the brush into black, he drew a stick arm, with wide stick fingers coming out of the tornado cone, where he thought he could still spot himself. The arm was extended toward Reita. But with all the chaos around him, and the void between the cliffs; how ever could have he reached him?

    Removing this canvas, and after placing it on the floor as explained, he newly dipped the brush into black and drew the same two cliffs again, but this time, he drew a bridge connecting them. He then dre his and Reita's stick figure, int the middle of said bridge. He also drew their chaos following them, instead of around them. The two stick figures were holding hands.

    Really, he would have loved for them to be on an islands with nothing bothering or following them. Yet, he felt like this was really enough, if he could feel like they could still reach each other and be able to still handle all their chaos, and not let it affect them, it would be enough. He wouldn’t' ask for more.

    He really wouldn't ask for more, he wouldn't mind, if they could just hold hands.

    “Nicely done ...” suddenly whispered the woman behind him, making him lightly jolt in surprise, for he had been so absorbed that he he hadn't notice her even being there “... you can take them both home as soon as they are dry enough ...” she serenely stated “... I hope you get to soon feel this way” she newly winked, and left once again, perhaps in the search of other miserable looking passengers.

    As he stood observing the drying canvas, he then instinctively reached for his cell phone, and after pondering a bit, he decided to turn it on, and then simply stared at it. He wanted to see him so bad, he had been wanting to talk to him all day as bad, so what was stopping him from just telling him that Just text him Kai; but what if Sakito was the one with the cellphone. With that thought he newly shoved his cell phone in his pockets, sighing. As he waited for his drawings to dry.

    Damn hippie-junkie-business-meddling-monster, he should have drawn devil horns on the head Sakito's spiraling stick figure. Yeah … childishly dipping the brush into red, he stooped to the ground to quickly make the amendment.

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    Post  Reita on Sat Sep 10, 2011 3:34 am

    He had been there for two hours and seven minutes. Two hours and seven minutes of complete nothingness aside from rolling around on his mattress. It was all so... Kai hadn't texted him back yet and he was still waiting for it, wasn't he?

    Hell no...! He had better things to do... Like bury his face in this pillow.

    He sighed heavily into his pillow and nearly pouted into it. Trying to forget how he almost lost is when Kai kissed him earlier. All he wanted to do was fall into the comfort it gave him, but who went from saying 'I wish I never met you' to flat out kissing him? Clearly there was something going on behind this, right? To think that he had been waiting so eagerly for the same person's number last night... He shoved his face deeper into the plush of the pillow.

    Aside from the small fraction dedicated pitifully to Kai and his actions, Reita was mostly angry at himself. He shouldn't have gotten so hung up on this-- Kai was interesting and brought a new light to his otherwise boring schedule, but...

    He'd gotten too far ahead of himself. That was it. He flipped over on his bed to glare at the ceiling.. He'd been encouraged by that nervousness, caught by those eyes, and driven away by a mix of harsh words and confidence. Would he let Kai win so easily? He had to prove that this didn't matter to him, right? He had to show that it didn't phase him one bit.

    ... ... ...

    After one last try.

    What, nothing to say? It may have sounded like he was instigating, but he didn't want to sound desperate.. He didn't want anyone to know how much this was affecting him. He wanted one last line to say that this was over... that he didn't have to care anymore.

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    Post  Kai on Sat Sep 10, 2011 9:46 am

    Once completely dry, the lady kindly rolled his two drawing, and sealed them with a bit of tape, handed then to Kai, and after reminding him about her actual practice, the brunette smiled, and left giving the activity a serious thought.

    His drawing skills where far, far, from acceptable, but perhaps, if he went, he could learn something, he could do something different form just being the certified hikikomori that he was. It seemed that there really was the part of him deep down somewhere that really wanted to change. Not so deep down anymore perhaps though.

    As he walked away with his two rolls, and a bit less of a harsh expression, his cell phone suddenly vibrated. Reaching so quickly and instinctively for his cell-phone that he almost dropped his roll, and hit all the people passing him by with it, he flipped it open, and saw it was a message from Reita.

    One thing about this being in love that he truly appreciated, was how anything regarding the loved was so instant to provide happiness. No matter what it happened to be. He did honestly hadn't read the previous message and at the moment he truly didn't matter did it?

    He just wanted to see him.

    Sorry my cellphone was off, but, there is something I really want to show you. Could we meet? If you are at home, and you don't mind me coming, I could come there now, if you would please tell me the address.


    Then, realizing how much of a nuisance him and his rolls truly were to people, he moved away, and backed himself to the whole of a store, and raised his head to the sky, while tightly and nervously clutching his cell-phone. Would he reply? Did he have any confidence to expect that Reita would want to see him to? Would a little miracle happen for his sake as well?

    The sky he was absently staring at had been the same happy sky since the whole afternoon, baby blue vivid sky, brightly shining sun. In his eyes it was still quite gray; but at least now, he was beginning to spot some fugitive rays of sunlight behind the clouds.

    How much more effort was it required, how long more before he could blew all the cloud away?

    ♥sorry about last night …........ I wasn't on planet Earth after the first time I woke up from my “deep slumber” … lol hope you get to sleep long enough though! *CHUU~!*♥

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    Post  Reita on Sat Sep 10, 2011 4:05 pm

    Reita almost jumped when his phone sounded again. Had he really not been expecting a message back...? And a message so docile, at that?

    Did he want a message that was mean to him, telling him to go away? He was so tired of this back and forth, but he was almost glad to see that he'd been awknowledged. With a small sigh, he shook his head to himself.

    Why did he want to come over to Reita's house? Wasn't he sick of seeing his pathethic downward spiral of a life? Cell was off... Yeah, right.

    Why would you want to come here? Is it so pertinent?

    Why was Reita so convinced that Kai was against him anyways? He frowned at himself and stood to pace. What if it was him and Shera at his door?

    He shook his head. No one in their right minds would reject someone like that, right? ... Reject? Reject what?! Reita stopped in his steps to sit back down on his bed. He cared about Kai, he knew that. He shook his heads. Reject friendship-- that's what.

    Of course that's what it was, how could he have forgotten? He sighed again and stood, taking out his phone to send a second text containing his address as he went to go vaccum the living room and clean up the mess he'd made in the kitchen.

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    Post  Kai on Sun Sep 11, 2011 2:22 am

    When his cellphone finally vibrated, he closed his eyes, took a big breath and flipped it open. That hadn't exactly been the answer he had expected, in fact, in all honesty, he had been conceited enough to think he'd be given an address, just like that. But yeah, welcome back to plane Earth Mr. Uke. Though, given as to how the other had so nonchalantly looked for and found his cellphone number, this shouldn't have been too much of an expectation right?

    I mean … he had asked it directly to the person.

    Thus, he didn’t have an address, and the other hadn't written anything that would make him even hope that he wanted them to meet, and didn't that suck? Yet he did receive a reply, he suppose he should have been happy about that; or rather content. So how to reply to that? Why did he want to go to his place? He hadn't given it a thought at all. Since he knew that this was the time in which people went home, he just wanted to make it easier on the blond, and make himself travel the way.

    That was all that had been on his mind. Plus, didn't friends do that? Go to each others places? But, then again the blond probably didn’t consider him as a friend, so this could have explained that. Yet, all his useless thought aside, he had a message and he was going to give it a reply. Well, his drawings were pertinent right? It was about the two of them, it didn't get more pertinent that now did it, and just as he was about to reply to that text, another one showed itself on the screen of his cell.

    An address.

    His heart began to beat so quickly, and his hand began to sweat so profusely that he almost dropped his cellphone as he stared at the address. Swiftly researching on the net on the ways he could get there, he then dashed to towards the train station, and once on the train, while comfortably seated, he stopped his frantic thinking for a second, and realized where he was going.

    He was going to Reita's house. The blond's territory, his private everything. The mere thought had been enough, to make him slow don particularly fast when he was out on the street in which he decided to walk instead of taking the bus. He needed to calm down. Yet the excitement was also so grand, that he was very close to just start running.

    Finally reaching his destination, he couldn't even concentrated on his surroundings he was so nervous. So fucking nervous. Then again, the blond could have been in the company of Mr. Sakito, and the other girl; in which case he'd probably have to keep the identity of some of the characters concealed. Taking a few more breaths, and trying the best he could to calm his raging heart, given as how his ears couldn't hear anything else if not, he raised a trembling index, and then lowered it.

    He was really so fucking nervous. Could he do this? Was this a good idea? God why was he all acting shaky and stupid right now?! Taking a single,larger, and slower breathe he then newly raised his index finger, and this time forcefully pressed on the bell … maybe for a bit too long. Oooops.

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    Post  Reita on Sun Sep 11, 2011 9:34 pm

    Reita was just finishing his cleanup [it was more of an overhaul, if anything] of the kitchen when the doorbell rang and honestly came an inch away from just sliding everything into the sink and dishwasher to hide it all. Why was he so jumpy anyways...? He started to walk towards the living, knowing that if it were either of his parents, they wouldn't have rang the doorbell because clearly they had keys and if they had keys, they could--

    Reita was standing at his doorway with said door hanging languidly open and quivering in his living room, almost staring at a certain brunette who he should have been expecting.

    ... Now what? Reita didn't exactly want Kai inside-- he was still bent on the fact that there was no way any of this was true and he would be a fool if he fell for it.

    So he kept his face hardened and serious. There was only one way he really felt like dealing with this anyways-- not in his house. Without a word, he stepped out, closing the door behind him with a click, not minding whether he had the keys or not. It left him a little closer to Kai than he'd preferred, but he cleared his throat lightly for him to back off just a tad so that he could take another good look at him, not sure what he was looking for.

    "Where do you want to go?" Reita murmured carelessly, "There isn't anything interesting in the house," and with that comment, he strolled off of the small step to the front of his house and out the front gate, not bothering to close that either. He scratched his head aimlessly, almost in a tired manner and started walking towards the nearest store-- he was thirsty and he really didn't want Kai to see him in his house and use it against him. He didn't want the brunette to be comfortable around him just yet. He still didn't really want to trust him.

    Was trusting people so difficult...? Reita's face almost broke its mask when he thought about that incredibly lost look in Kai's eyes when they were in their own world.

    Tch. Their own world. Like they had one.

    He looked back to see if Kai was following, "You said you had something to show me?" he asked, pulling out a cigarette and lighting it without too much of a care. The temptation to offer the brunette one was there too, but he didn't really want to offend him again, did he?

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    Post  Kai on Sun Sep 11, 2011 10:15 pm

    Completely taken off guard as Reita practically barged out of the house, Kai blinked a couple of times, and instantly took a step backwards, given the blond his needed personal space. “Hey-” he tried to greet but he was cut off by Reita; his voice had been too low anyways.

    Why was he acting so edgy? It made him edgy as well, or rather, it wasn't exactly edgy, it was something else, he couldn't quite pin-point. Kai had no idea of where they could have gone, he wasn't familiar with the area, but Reita seemed to be on a mission anyways, so he silently followed, wondering if coming had been a good after all.

    Tightly holding his two rolls, and reconsidering whether or not he should show them. As they silently proceeded to walk, Reita finally spoke, and asked after the two objected he was just debating on what to do with. But, he did wanted to show him. He really did. Yet, he couldn't just open them like that in the middle of the street … he knew it was a stupid thought, but he felt like those were his inner thoughts, and it would be like exposing him naked to the rest of the world, to just randomly start showing them like that.

    “Yes ...” meekly replied Kai, as the blond lit his cigarette, and the other frantically though on what best to do. His heart was suddenly beating so fast, he began to feel weak, and incapable of not even looking a the blond anymore. Maybe this had indeed been a very stupid idea, what had he been thinking? “... well ...” just show up at someone's place with two stupid drawing, which a kindergartner could have done better.

    “Actually ...” he then resumed, suddenly feeling rather overwhelmed and hopeless “... actually, there are a lots of things … that I want to tell you …” he just blurted out, his brain not following any line of logic, as all his worries, his doubts, his pain, his memories of the past week, added to all that he had converse with Sakito as well began to mingle with his tornado of emotions “... but can I first ask you something … please?” he then gingerly inquired.

    “I know this is none of my business ...” nervously and hesitantly began the brunette, his head completely staring his feet, as if the blond hadn't even been there “... do you happen to perhaps ...” and the question won't come out; or rather, he was just scared of the answer, wasn't he? But he really needed to either end this or move on from it so fucking man Uke, time to get though “... is there someone you like … not too long ago I happened to see you and Miyavi-senpai kissing, and … I … well …” he managed to utter, his face currently burning, and his ears practically pulsing to the beat of his raging heart.

    He could have fainted now. No, not really, he needed to first receive the reply, and then he could have fainted in peace.

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    Post  Reita on Wed Sep 14, 2011 12:36 am

    "Does it have to do with never having met me again?" he asked casually, his voice thankfully going off cooler than he thought it would. Maybe this would sound convincing.

    He sighed tiredly as he continued walking without a destination, sliding his hands into his pockets and cracking his neck. He almost stopped in his steps when Kai mentioned Miyavi though.

    Huh... so he'd seen that. Reita spent a few spare moments trying to remember if it was before or after Kai told him to so blatantly leave his life, but he didn't want to stall for too long.

    "Miyavi's... he's a differnt one. Don't worry about him." he stated with a small smirk around the cigarette, vaguely reminded of all the strange antics around the freak of a guitarist-turned-druggie. It felt like such a long time ago now.

    But now he had a different brunette to worry about-- one much shorter and definitely less social than the last one. He knew that his answer wasn't very straightforward, but what how was he supposed to act? Someone caught him getting kissed by another guy-- was there a normal reaction to it?

    "But what have you been doing all day? What do I need to see?" he asked, looking over with a bored and curious air. He was kind of curiuos, but had this feeling that Kai wouldn't show him. He didn't want to be deceived again, but he really didn't think that Kai was here seriously.

    Why was he still doubtful when he knew now that Kai had seen him get attacked by Miyavi? Those texts had looked so determined and the actions from earlier in the bathroom didn't match up-- one felt more cautious than the other and he didn't want to fall into it so easily. He'd already been hit with a warning that one night-- he just didn't want it to happen again so easily.

    It wasn't so easy to get out after falling in though, was it? He frowned and pulled his phone out, tentatively texting a random anyone so that he looked like he was occupied and not staring at everything around them.

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    Post  Kai on Thu Sep 15, 2011 1:19 am

    Ouch. He had indeed rampaged such words to the blond. Man he felt stupid. “Don't I feel stupid now ...” nervously, but truly sadly, laughed the brunette in a low tone. So he had all that day crying, and the following days depressing, because Miyavi was just a different one. Yet the fact that Reita made that remark about his words, meant that the did care, if not just little. Still he had indeed cried, and suffered of over that, and having the blond dismiss it so easily, sort of demoralized him even more, to the point in which he wondered which hurt more having seen the other being kissed[//i] or this.

    Was he too late? Reita's whole demeanor, still seemed not inclined to want him around, somehow, he could feel it. So much for excitement. Had this boy truly been as fragile as he [i]didn't
    look? Was he just wasting his time? Though one thing was clear; the blond did wanted to see whatever it was that he had brought. Since he did go through the joy of doing them, he perhaps in deed should have showed them to him anyways, and then allow him to keep hating him if he willed.

    How he wished, he could get him to look at him in the same way he had on that Friday. Sure he'd been a little high, perhaps had drank a few beers, but he properly was looking at him; he saw him. Now, the boy that was standing in front of him, perfectly sober in all the senses of the words, wasn't seeing him at all. Something blocked his sight, and though he wasn't too sure he had been entirely the cause for this reaction, he wasn't taking pride in having surely been part of it.

    The question now was, would this Reita be able to see what he drew? Would it give it a go?

    At this point the brunette really had nothing else to lose, no other way he could express himself, because words always only seemed to make things words, basically, he was suddenly at the end of his rope, but not quite so ready to drop yet. Even as the other quite nonchalantly texted, he'd still give it a try dammit!

    “I wanted to show you these ...” he then began, speaking much lower than he had intended too, as he raised the two rolls “... I don't know how to draw to save my live, so I suppose it is funny that I am actually using drawing to … do this ..” he then stated, smiling at the irony he had just realized, and presented.

    “I …” he then hesitantly began “... I'll try and put less commentary as possible, but I am really very bad at drawing and I will have to point out certain things” he then excused himself “I really rather would not have this all in the open in the way it is but ...” he then swiftly and lowly added, as he took steps closer to Reita, looking at him for a second , and then opening the first roll.

    “This is me … and this is you ...” he pointed out “... this tornadoes … this are … situations, words, people, all things that somehow managed to keep us from each other ...” shakily began to express the brunette, not realizing just how hard it was to express one's own emotions “... I know I caused most of mine … I am so insecure Reita … I have never been in this situation before, and I found out that I am rather impulsive … I get agitated real easy … I misunderstand … but if I didn't care, I didn't care as much, none of this … reactions would have happened … I'd be just like that listless kid, with the bag of coke you had met for the first time ...” he concluded, with a slight breath, as he moved on to Reita's side.

    “Somehow … I have the feeling … that life was much balanced before I happened … I might be wrong of course … I do not know, but I had been able to turn your smile upside-down, hadn't I? I must be pretty terrible for having been able in such a feat, for I don't think I have ever seen you not smile ...” he pointed out, as he traced his fingers around Reita's tornado.

    “Yet ...” he then resumed as he pointed at the emptiness between the two cliffs “... even without the tornadoes … we still have gap … which” he then stopped, as he thought about how they had effectively been able to bridge that Friday; somehow they had manged to fly “... which ...” he then repeated as he brought out the other roll, and opened it “... I really … really wish we could bridge … even if the whole tornadoes still remain, because ...” he then stopped, biting his lower lip, while he finally looked at the blond, albeit gingerly, but he was looking right at him “... all problems always seems to vanish when we touch”.

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    Post  Reita on Sat Oct 01, 2011 10:27 pm

    ...What? Was this real? Reita felt a leap in his chest, nervousness threatening to spill over. This wasn't... This wasn't what they called a confession, right? The hell was he supposed to do with this?? He was so apalled by it at first that he almost didn't answer.

    But he was Reita Suzuki, and nothing would change that. He wouldn't lift this facade no matter what happened-- the blonde was never one too easy to trust, but when that barrier was breached, he didn't forget, no matter how accidental the situation turned out to be.

    "Hm," he commented quietly, eyes flickering over the drawings... Or paintings... He wasn't sure. He didn't want to look at them. He didn't want to look at Kai.

    So he didn't. "It looks like you put a  lot of thought into it."

    This was so useless, why was the brunette following him around anyways? It was all a joke anyways, wasn't it? The blonde wouldn't fall for it. He refused to, as much as he wanted to take this chance-- it was too easy, so he wouldn't take it.

    Pulling on the embers of his cigarette again, Reita held the smoke in long enough for it to sting before letting it go with a slow exhale and trying his best to ignore the ever-burning urge to see that lonliness in Kai's eyes so that he could just wash it all away. 

    His chest twisted tight again and he turned back to the path in front of them, sighing and ignoring the smoke filtering out from his nostrils. "Are you thirsty? Let's stop by the store real quick." He couldn't believe that he was still doing this.

    He turned then and  skirted across the parking lot , "What do you like to drink?" he asked checking once to make sure the brunette was behind him. 

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    Post  Kai on Sun Oct 02, 2011 1:15 am

    This was a rejection, wasn't it?

    It wasn't explicit, but it was indeed, at least it felt like that. Most likely Reita was just trying to be mindful of his feelings … even though something told him that wasn't exactly the case. Nonetheless, he had failed. His drawings hadn't taking him anywhere, and he had nothing else to say. And quite frankly he presently didn't really want to be around him.

    But he had done all he could have done right? All the right things ... all the wrong things .. which he probably was still doing, and Reita was perhaps being nice about it and not telling him to just leave him alone. Yeah. Though he needed to stop thinking of the blond as someone who was being nice about it because that he didn't know. He felt like throwing up. Must have been the coffee he hadn't drank at the Starbucks where he had been sitting before rushing over.

    Reita didn't seem comfortable having him around either, even before him just shoving his feeling into his ears, he just, perhaps this truly was a lost cause. So he might have as well done a favor tot eh both of them and just leave, Plus he really had no intention of throwing up in front of the blond, and he really was going to, that up and down feeling was no denying it.

    But he had to say something he couldn't just walk away like that, how awkward would have that been? But it was already awkward as it was right? So why not? Everything that came out of his mouth sounded like nonsense to him anyway, and what he had heard was totally incoherent with anything he had said. So really really really whatever.

    “I'm just go home, I'm somewhat tired ...” at least the sure incredible bad color that his face was displaying, would support his somewhat tired bullshit “sorry for having taken up your time, and having made you come here ...” he began strong, but his voice became lower as he tried to stop whatever from coming up.

    “Won't happen again, promise” he quickly rushed out, bowed, and speed-walked away, in the first corner away from the blond, where he couldn't be seen and just bent over. Graceful Uke, very graceful. Holding himself on the wall facing him, in whatever alley he had entered, he then took a few seconds, breathed out, and almost felt like throwing up again. Now he really need to go home.

    As he was about to walk away from his “accident zone” he looked at whatever it was that he was still holding so tightly to in his hand. His present and future situation with Akira uh? There wasn't going to be any of that, so why hold on to any of that. They were poorly done anyways.

    Unrolling both drawing he tore them a part, in as many piece he could manged, and just throe them over his vomit. Art drowned in vomit; how poetic. Taking a good last look at his soiled wishful thinking, he then walked away thinking to himself that this was for the best.

    He'd go to school, try his best to forget about him, and just concentrate on that one person that had showed and told him time and again and he truly cared for him. He'd try his best to reciprocate those. He'd try his darn best, in such away that tears he'd eventually cry, like he currently was, would have a reasonable recipient; someone over whom, it actually made sense to cry.

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    Post  Reita on Tue Oct 04, 2011 1:40 am

    Well... Reita knew full well that probably would have happened, right...? So when he did check for the brunette, catching only a lowered head and a few mumbles, ot shouldn't have stopped him like that, right?

    He almost forgot how to get out of the way when a car honked at him to leave the parking space that he'd conveniently blocked. 

    Why the hell was he so surprised...? He would have rather gotten hit by that car before he admitted that he wanted to give chase. He would do anything rather than see that he'd caused any more of that depthlessness in the brunette's eyes. 

    But it was too late now, what could he do about it...? He walked back towards his house, taking out his phone and staring lamely at the number there. What would he say?

    I'm sorry. 
    I didn't mean it. 
    I just got surprised. 
    I didn't mean to hurt you. 
    Come back.

    But... He knew he wasn't going to chase and that, even if he did, none of those words would come out of his fingers, much less slide off his tongue. All he ever knew to do was to mess up any and every situation he was in anyways, right? Why would this have been any different?

    ... Because he knew that lonliness that went with not trusting anyone. He knew that hopelessness that caused most to turn to unnatural and synthetic applications, only to lose themselves in the world involving the new hobby simply because the current one wasn't interesting enough or didn't meet their expectations. The emptiness that hollowed a person out faster and more effectively than days upon days deprived of sleep. 

    Reita knew it better than the back of his hand, better than most things. And he didn't want anyone to suffer over it, especially someone as innocent as that brunette. Especially that person in particular. 

    He snapped his phone closed with a low sigh, eyes drawn to the ground as he stepped back into the same empty house that welcomed him with the same cold chill since he realized he really was on his own in this world. 

    He crawled onto his bed after pacing for a long while, the thoughts swirling in his head finally slowing down enough to allow the blonde to see them clearly.

    The brunette always acted so intensely that it left Reita wondering if this kid was the same one he'd met the first day or if he were meeting someone new every day. That was surely what it felt like, didn't it?

    But even then, Kai had given Reita something to look forward to every day aside from the monotonously infinite loop he found himself imprisoned in. He appreciated that and tried to keep things level, but it seemed that Kai might have taken that kiss from the Friday before quite a bit more seriously than before. 

    The consideration of whether Reita himself should have (or, already did) take the kiss just a bit more seriously was the last thought flitting over his mind before slumber overcame his tired mind. 

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    Post  Kai on Tue Oct 04, 2011 2:24 pm

    Kai was sure it was starting to become rather unhealthy. He'd been sucking for he didn't know how long now, but the tip of his fingers were more than pruney. Moreover, added to the almost thirty minutes he had used to wash his mouth following to his vomiting-stunt, he probably had been in the bathroom for more than a hour, and his parents were most likely soon to come and knock to check and see if everything was alright. If asked, what would he have said.

    Yes mom and dad. Everything that needs to be okay with me, is okay. I still get good grades. I am still drug free. And I haven't gotten myself in trouble. that would have been enough to make any parents exceedingly happy right? But he was so distraught at the moment, non of that superficial happiness could have made any of anything better.

    Drying himself up and stumbling in a heat daze into his room, he got dressed in track-pants and a T-shirt, and collapsed on his bed. How had he managed to mess everything up so badly? Was is it all his fault in the first place? What really hurt he supposed was that this was indeed his first love and he wasn't exactly going to have peachy memories about it at all. Every time he'd think back to it his heart would squeeze in pain, his breath would itch, and his eye would become teary. Really he'd just feel like crying it all out, but he currently didn't have the strength for neither that.

    He probably should dry his hair, or he'd catch a cold. Yet that would be most advantageous though, so that he wouldn't have to go to school. He never thought he'd ever had to fake being sick to stay home from school, but now the idea sounded so appealing, he was tempted to go stick his head in front of his electric-fan. God he just wanted to disappear from the face of this Earth for a couple of years or more.

    “Yes ...” replied the brunette, following a knock on his door.

    “Baby I just got home, I stopped a the store for a bit, and dad is going to be late but ...” it was his mother. So there was nobody in the house after all, he hadn't even noticed “... there is a friend of your standing outside ...” she then stated, as Kai almost stopped breathing waiting for his mother to continue “... I asked him in, but he said he wouldn't that he needed to talk to you real quick-”

    Without even thinking, or realizing tha the could have simply looked down the window to confirm who was standing out, Kai dropped the towel that was laying round his neck, and quickly smiling at his mother once he;d opened the door, he speed walked down the stairs, and found himself at his entrance in less that 5 seconds.

    Before opening he breathed out, slowly, and thought things through rationally. There was no way that could be Reita right? Why had he got all excited all of a sudden? This wasn’t in his character was it? Chasing people? If anything he might have texted, like he seemed to be apt to, but not follow. Moreover he didn't even know where he lived. Only Kazuki and Shera knew where he lived and at the moment, he had a very big feeling regarding whom was standing behind it.

    Slowly opening said door, he walked out, and towards the not too distant little gate that enclosed their garden, where as he had though Shera was standing. Keeping the gate half opened, he lightly smiled at the blond, whom tried to smile at him but obviously failed.

    “Why not come inside-”

    “I just needed to tell you something, so I won't take much your time I promise” he stated, looking so uncharacteristic, and sounding so dejected it felt incredibly awkward. And Kai wasn't sure he wanted to hear any of it; not today, not right now “I am sorry if I most have seemed pushy. Indeed I was pushy, and I suppose there is no justification for such behavior” he then paused, fidgeting with his hands deep in his pockets “... I really like you, a lot … and you are probably tired to hear this but it is true, but it is also true that I am not as clueless as I probably might have seemed … it is not hard to realize when the person you are interested isn't interest in you ...” he declared, his gaze randomly fixed on Kai's T-shirt “... yet I kept pushing … even though Kazuki had hinted at something, and don't worry he'd never rat anyone out, even if he is my best friend, once again as I said, I had noticed on my own ...” he precised, this time quickly glancing at Kai, whom absolutely didn't want to hear this right now “... I guess I came to apologize for my behavior? I don't even know why I am here anymore ...” he nervously laughed “... maybe I just wanted to see you … ahah ...” he added “... because I don't think my feelings for you are going to go anywhere any time soon … I guess … that was what I wanted you know, which sound mean right now … but I thought you should know … that I won't push you any further, but I also can't help the way I feel and I am sorry” he then concluded.

    Kai's head had been fixed to the ground for the entire monologue, not daring to even make eye-contact because that would have been disastrous. And as he felt the blond's steps recede, he also got himself inside, his house.

    “Everything oka-”

    “All is fine” quickly interjected Kai, trying to sound as normal as possible, as he rushed to his room. He really hadn't needed to hear that at all. No fucking way he was going to school tomorrow. God no. Hell no. He'd probably drown his is tears tonight anyways.

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    Post  Reita on Sun Oct 09, 2011 3:37 am

    He was tired. He was so... unbelievably tired. He remembered the number of hours he was unconcious, but he felt like rest had escaped him in the depths of a mind that never stopped running. He couldn't remember being so exhausted.

    It was even tiring to breathe. Breath after breath sounded louder and louder, more forced and even moreso trying to open the front door of the school. What happened yesterday? What had happened this past week, even?

    His life had been so predictable for such a long time and this brunette came out of nowhere and ripped everything to shreds. ... Reita was still trying to decide if it were a good thing or not.

    It made him so nervous sometimes, that there was someone throwing themselves at him so ruthlessly... so carelessly. He sat down on the heaters in a random corner of the school, other groups mindlessly littered around the area. He didn't want to go sit where he normally did-- even though he never really talked to anyone as it was, he really didn't want to risk it today. He was just too... tired.

    He leaned back against the wall and sighed at the comforting heat underneath him, letting his eyes close to the mellow music lulling the thoughts in his mind to a dull drone. He'd been cold since this morning, even though his mind had already run to the moon and back; if only it could have shut the hell up in the meantime.

    He wondered... what Kai was doing right then.

    The thought had tickled the back of his mind for a split moment-- he hadn't even realized that he wasn't thinking about it [there wasn't even time to be glad that he had rested for a moment], but as soon as there was the smallest hint to it, he found himself drowning in an instant.

    If Kai was alright after last night... if he would see him today... if he would come with people to make Reita's life miserable... if he hated him.

    He swallowed dryly, eyes now sparingly open. He must have looked like fresh roadkill on the outside, but in all honesty, it was the same on the inside. There was nothing he could do about it now, though. He would just... wait it out.

    And if things returned to the way they were before it would be a damn shame, but he had no control over that. Even if things could only get worse if he stayed silent... even if they could change for the better if he made a move... he would sit back with patience and see if watching the world spin around him was any more interesting than it used to be.

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    Post  Kai on Sun Oct 09, 2011 2:56 pm

    “Honey? ...” called his mother's voice from outside his room “... Kai? ...” she called again, and once again the brunette didn't reply. He had absolutely no plan of action at the moment, but he knew that whatever he would have done, his mother would have been bound to enter his room. Feigning that he was sleeping, would have meant that he would have been late for school so she would have needed to come in and wake him up. Feigning sickness meant that her child wasn't well so she would have needed to take care of him “Baby? ...” she then lightly called as the door then inevitably opened.

    The brunette didn't even have the decency or strength to start feigning anything, as his mother walked into the room, looking Kai laying under the covers of his bed, silently and apathetically looking back at her “what's wrong? And don't say 'nothing' because this is obviously not a normal behavior for you, and also don't give me any 'don't worry' because you are still not of the age to tell me that, and I will anyways” she stated in a frightening mix of tenderness and firmness which made him even more speechless than what he already was.

    “I'm … I ...”he manged to mutter, as he sank deeper into his covers, while his mother sat right next to him on his bed “... I think … I messed up something really badly ...” he then uttered, hoping his mother had caught that,cause he wasn't going to repeat it again.

    “School? ...” she kindly inquired, and he merely shook his head “... drugs? ...” she kept going, this time with a more concerned tone, and Kai merely shook his head again, cynically laughing in his head, thinking of how if Reita hadn't walked into that bathroom some weeks ago there probably would have had to have this conversation. He supposed he did owe the blond head quite a lot after all. Pang “... friends? ...” she then more cautiously inquired. This time the brunette shook his head.

    “Is it something that can't be solved with a sorry? ...” she then inquire, as she pushed herself into the bed, and laid side by side with an almost completely bed-covered Kai, whom nodded in agreement “... is this person … more than a friend?” she finally inquired, sounding somewhat knowledgeable, or rather, like she knew it was that from the very start.

    “To me … yes ...” lowly replied Kai, awkwardly feeling comfortable in the discomfort of this the present situation.

    “Unrequited ...” she then professed, rather than asked, as the brunette merely nodded once again “... so was the boy from yesterday maybe competing with you for the same girl … or maybe her boyfriend?” she then went on with the same assurance; if she only knew how off the target she had just gone. As he thought about what answer to give her, he must have displayed a very awkward expression, which indicated that that wasn't the case, given as how his mother came back to the attack.

    “... Well even if it were to be none of those, or even if it weren't exactly unrequited from my limited experience, because you are never completely knowledgeable in love-matters no matter how many years...” she began, as Kai couldn't help but mentally breath out a oh great, I'll never be good at this shit “... it is easy to misunderstand, be misunderstood, and screw up .. it is really easy … and so all you can do is unscrew, and unmisunderstand” she then simply stated.

    “What if I have already tried to unscrew and unmisunderstand … what if I tried too hard in doing that. Or even from the very start … and now I just pushed … whoever... further away? ...”

    “To begin with, where di you even learn to be pushy? Dad and I have never been pushy with you have we? ...” she implying chided “... I suppose there is no point in pouring salt on the wound but … when some people, must people don't like to feel pressured into something, and another few out of this might feel ...repulsed … by such behavior … no matter how not bad your intentions truly were ...” she delicately then tried to explain.

    “So basically I am screwed-” irritatedly hissed the brunette, but was quickly and gently silence by his mother, wrapping her arms around him and shushing him, while caressing his locks.

    “... I would suggest to just leave this person alone for as long as it takes, if they are not bothered by you in that way, and if you do mean something to them, they will eventually come back to you ...” she professed, as he silently began to tear up in her arms “... if not, then … it will hurt a lot, but you'll just have to move on form it okay? ...” she sadly stated, as Kai slowly nodded, digging his head deeper in her embrace “... but hey, look at my hopeless bright side, I for one, will always be here for you, and always love you no matter what, for free and unconditionally” she then cutely laughed, making him smirk “... and you never know what life has in serve … really it is mysterious, random and complicated so sometimes … you just must wait and see” she then concluded.

    “Can I stay home from school ... just today … please?” he then hesitantly inquired. His mother gave him a highly disapproving scowl, but then smiled, and after kissing his cheek she then spoke.

    “Just for this once … you've never lied out of going to school before, and I figure that just this once during your senior here, won't hurt anyone … and don't worry, I'll tell dad that you weren't feeling too well … you know he is going to want to know as well” she then winked, got up and began walking, after having pecked him on his head once more.

    “Mom” Kai quickly called still from under his covers, making her stop right on the threshold, and look back “... thanks” he shyly spoke, darting his eyes to the side.

    “Love you, see you when I get back from work” she replied,and walked out of the room, closing the door behind herself.

    Wait and See. If Shera hadn't been around, it wouldn't have been so hard a thing after all, the more he thought about it. But the bleach blond was well real and well present, and it made the situation even more screwed up. He was grateful to his mother for having comforted him, but now she was hating the fact that he felt encouraged again. He didn't want to feel encouraged, he wanted to give up. Well, he hadn't really slept too much, so he'd probably try and sleep over it again.

    He woke up five hours later, to shiny afternoon, and a couple of texts messages. It felt so good to see his phone being used as a phone. Meaning he wasn’t rushing to RP with someone, but there were people actually thinking of him. It felt really nice, no matter how bad some of those texts might have been.

    From: Kazuki
    To: Me

    Hey! Haven't seen you in our period or in class … so got a bit worried
    everything okay?

    From: Kazuki
    To: Me

    And I need to talk to you about Aoi … so you need to answer the damn phone
    alright?! ^ ^”

    From: Tomo
    To: Me

    (1/3 Hey … thought I'd talk to you about this in the meeting. I know
    we don't talk too much, but gotta start from somewhere, and the following
    question (2/3) is probably not the best way but, I was wondering if you
    happen to know a Sakito? Like I know you've been hanging around with Suzuki
    (3/3) and I think he is the boy that hangs with him a lot, and I just wanted to know
    what you knew about him. Hope you are fine BTW LOL

    From: Shera
    To: Me

    Sorry, don't mean to bother, after yesterday and all, just really concerned.
    Are you okay?

    Was it any stupid, or pathetic, or down-right wrong, that he was somewhat grieving at the fact that there wasn't any message from Reita? Most likely. But, what could he do about it? He just had to let go for now, right? Sighing and shrugging, he sat up on his bed, and began to reply.

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    Post  Reita on Thu Oct 13, 2011 1:53 am

    And that was it. His entire day. And he hadn't even seen him. Even at 7th period, Mally had yet to see the brunette. She told Reita that she'd been looking for him too... What then? He just hadn't come to school? He was avoiding everything?

    The blonde didn't really want to admit it, but he wasn't sure it mattered or he cared at that point-- he was nervous. He swallowed dryly and looked to his phone, telling himself that he was curious of the time, but knowing that he really was looking for a text that he knew wouldn't come. Who would go back to someone who had treated him so coldly? He hadn't even meant to make things sound so bad.

    It was just... Reita had never been so intimidated in his entire life. Something so foreign with seemingly no fear of the outcome of its actions... it was admirable in the most frightening way.

    He opened his phone, telling himself that he was checking the time and feeling his stomach drop when he didn't see anything different on the display. He frowned lightly to himself and stretched his shoulders out, walking towards the front of the school and trying not to scowl at the floor. This was so frustrating.

    So why had he gotten off the bustop three stops early and walking to this stupid little arcade...? He was still alone and no one would talk to him and he had nothing to smoke. With a nervous sigh, he strolled around the inside of the place, still wondering why he was here.

    But before he could stick around for too long, he shook his head and ducked out, calling himself an idiot over and over again, trying not to stomp out in frustration. Why did he come here?

    The entire walk home, he was still scowling at the floor. What the hell was he doing with himself? Of course Kai wouldn't be there. Of course he wouldn't text him.

    What happened to sitting back and watching the world spin around him? He was getting imnpatient... he was getting nervous...

    And that was pretty much it. What if he was left behind?

    He bit his lip.

    He wouldn't care, right? He hadn't before. So he wouldn't now... even if this person had come and shaken his world from out of the blue. Even if this person had opened himself up to him-- exposed himself to him without any fear.

    He returned to an empty house, feeling the lonliness seep even further into his bones and eat at him from the inside. Was he really so hopeless?

    Why did he want this so badly when he knew it was a terrible idea? How could he let anyone in when he wasn't even confident in himself?

    But that look. They shared that look and he knew it. Oh, he knew it so well. So why did this stop him at all?

    He frowned to himself and pulled out his phone, going to text Mally and Sakito. He didn't really want to talk to anyone, but maybe they would help get his mind off of things... Maybe.

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    Post  Kai on Fri Oct 14, 2011 2:29 am

    From: Me
    To: Kazuki

    ... I skipped. Yesterday sucked major. I am fine, not sick, just exhausted

    From: Me
    To: Tomo

    Somehow I feel like I am ABSOLUTELY the wrong person
    to ask about that person. I'll explain when we see ^ ^”

    And now the one person he wasn't expecting a text from. How to reply? Somehow, he felt like any of the words that came out of his mouth could hurt him if not said properly, and hurting the bond was the last thing he intended, even though he knew he probably was very apt to, even though he didn’t mean to.

    From: Me
    To: Shera

    I am fine thank you for asking. I just felt a bit tired I'll be at school tomorrow.

    That should have been fine right? He thought as his eyes drifted close, he hadn't done anything but laying in bed, yet he felt so tired … why was that? … blond hair … he knew that hair style, there was no doubt as to whom that back, that body belonged to, but why was it in his room. Why was Reita in his room.

    Reita slightly turned his head backwards, but only just a little because Kai couldn't see his face, and on instinct he began to walk towards him. However, as he got closer, the body went further, so he began to run chasing Reita's moving body, but the faster he ran the quicker the body simply got further just leave this person alone for as long as it takes, if they are not bothered by you in that way, and if you do mean something to them, they will eventually come back to you resounded a voice, at which Kai reduced the speed of his run until he completely stopped running. And now he was alone no Reita, nobody, just darkness.

    PONPON dashite shimaeba ii no? Zenzen shinai no tsumaranai deshou? ...

    Kai's eyes snapped open, as he confusingly checked his surroundings, and reached for his ringing cell-phone; it had been only a dream. O r nightmare, he wasn't exactly sure.

    “Moshi mo-”

    “Why open the door darling, I am standing outside with pudding, cake and ice-cream!” excitedly shouted a familiar voice.

    “Kazuki? ...” groggily inquired Kai, quickly glancing at the name of the red-head displayed on the device.

    “Yes! Who else?! I have been ringing the bell for the past ten minutes, hurry up!” he exclaimed

    “Alright alright ...” quickly replied the brunette, getting off his bed, and dragging himself to the front door, still on the phone with Kazuki.

    “Why hello there sleeping beauty” Kazuki spoke into the cell, as he observed Kai walking towards him, after which he closed the device “... did I wake you up from a cute dream?” teasingly cooed Kazuki, letting himself in once Kai had opened the door.

    “Not at all … it might have been a nightmare … not sure ...” stated Kai as they walked in, and the brunette lead the red-head to the kitchen “... he didn’t have to buy up the entire sweet store ...” he then gratefully joked as he collected the ice-cream and paced it in the freezer, the pudding in the fridge and the cake ready for them to eat immediately.

    “It was the least I could do … plus we are going to have a boys-talk-night thingy … the sugar will be needed” he stated sitting at the counter “... are you parents home yet?” he then curiously inquired.

    “Nope ...” Kai stated, as he brought out some oulong tea.

    “Mmm … I think that just for safety measure we should take this to your room anyways … specially my side of the story ...” he then stated, taking up the tray in which Kai had placed the cake with plates and cutlery.

    “Alright ...” skeptically stated the brunette, as he took the bottle of tea with cups, and followed the red-head to his own room. Kazuki had been there once already the night he'd taken him home from the party in which … well yeah …

    Once inside the roo, Kazuki placed the tray on the desk, and nonchalantly sat on the bed, as Kai placed his bottle and cup on the desk, and then went to close the door.

    “Well then who should start?” inquired Kazuki.

    “Kinda would appreciate you start first ...”admitted Kai, sitting on his chair facing the backrest, and looking at Kazuki a bit dejected.

    “Okay well … not like there is much to say anyways ...” shrugged Kazuki “... as you saw, we talked, I allowed him to charm me as usual. We went to his place … and did it” he simply concluded, Kai's eyes widening the size of basketballs as he almost spat the bit of tea he was drinking “... no need for such face my dear virgin friend ...” lightly laughed the red-head “wasn't our first … and probably wont' be the last” distressingly stated the red-head.

    “W-why do you … why are not happy?” awkwardly inquired Kai, still shocked at the fact that he'd be so shocked at hearing that one of his friends was in fact sexually active; same gender at that “you like him right? … like … you should be happy to … have sex … with the person you like … right?” hesitantly inquired the brunette, getting more and more flustered, as if he was currently watching a porn with himself in it.

    “The problem with me and Aoi ...” plainly began Kazuki, his face suddenly incredibly serious “.. is that it isn't just me and Aoi” declared the red head “... he is very pro-open couple, and I am totally against it … basically his dick gets excited more than it is supposed to, and when it needs it looks for relief”

    “O …” quite instinctively replied Kai, feeling very confused all of a sudden, because that did sound awful. But Kazuki didn't necessarily look angry or overly distraught, and for what he could remember of Aoi, the boy did seem pretty smitten, so? … “But … for what I could remember … he seems to be serious about you … I am sort of confused, sorry”

    “And he is ...” sadly professed the red-head “... he doesn't sleep with the same person twice, and he never goes out with them … it is just fuck-n-go you could say, but you saw him right? He is quite the impressive guy … so this people he fucks around with show up, and throw themselves at his feet, wanting to become his partner … even though the deal was that they would do it only that once, because he has a significant other ...” frustratingly stated Kazuki.

    “I don't get why he'd do that … this sounds really complicated … and actually it sounds really terrible” admitted Kai, at which Kazuki sarcastically smirked, dropping his back on the bed.

    “At the end of whatever it is that he does, and wherever it is that he goes, he gets back to me. H doesn't do it often … but it hurts the same … it hurts because he doesn't hide it … it hurts because I can't deny that he loves me … and it hurts because I can't stop loving him … but I should, right? Stop loving him?” sarcastically chuckled the red head, and Kai couldn't see his face at the moment, but he wouldn't be surprised to find him crying.

    “Long ago ...” began the brunette “I would have told you that he was just a jerk and to drop his ass … but now I know for sure … that I do not understand any of it … but … given that you have indeed told him that you are not okay with it … in the end … I really think you shouldn't stay with someone like that … not if he keeps that up …” humbly expressed Kai “... have you given him an ultimatum, or something of the sort?”

    “No” plainly stated Kazuki.

    “Maybe you should ..” gingery added Kai.

    “Yeah ...” lowly replied Kazki “... maybe I should” added the red, as Kai took another sip of his drink, and walked over to the bed, with a piece of cake he offered the red head. Kauki raised back up, and accepted it. He hadn't been crying like he had thought he would. If it had been Kai he most certainly would have been in tears right about then. Kazuki was just so cool, and Kai found himself wishing he had even 1/10 of his strength.

    “How about you? … I am supposing either Reita or Shera have something to do with your exhaustion” inquired the red-head

    “Or both ...” sarcastically professed the brunette.

    “O damn ...” sympathetically expressed Kazuki.

    “Yeah ...”


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    Post  Reita on Wed Oct 19, 2011 11:45 pm

    Sakito. Help me.

    ...Reita? What's wrong?

    Lots of things on my mind. Don't want to do homework. Come over and bring your sister so she can make us dinner or something. We need to find a place to go this weekend.

    Reita put the phone down and sighed, knowing that Sakito and Mally were, of course, together as usual. Which most likely created problems because Mally knew about this 'situation' and Sakito didn't. On the other hand, Sakito didn't really need to know, did he? The older, as close as Reita considered them, wouldn't have to know.

    Because Sakito wouldn't be able to see the look in Kai's eyes that could pierce through his heart with all the meaning that it held. He wouldn't be able to read how vulnerable someone felt through dark, cold moons. He frowned to himself and wondered if anyone else could see that deafeningly silent loneliness that, to the blonde, resonated so clearly.

    He had already been well on his way to falling asleep when he heard a dead doorbell ring through the walls of the large-yet-lonely house. Upon getting to the top of the staircase, the blonde saw two brunettes already letting themselves in. What ever happened to Japanese respect and pride? Oh well.

    Mally was the first to disappear into the kitchen, flicking her hair to Reita's nod. He would have to talk to her in private later-- he would be able to be more specific in relation to his concerns anyways... Nosy little rat.

    He walked past Sakito in the living room to land himself on one of the couches, the taller backtracking and following suit, making himself at home in the one nearest to that corner.

    "So tell me," the brunette started, turning in the couch and hanging over the edge of it, "What ails you, blondie? Parents again or is it more personal?"

    Reita frowned at the question, but crossed his arms and closed his eyes nonetheless, "People are a bother, I hate dealing with them," and he would leave it at that.

    "Are they?" he could hear the smirk on Sakito's face. How despicable... "You know how you can't judge a book by their cover, na? Just give them a chance." Oh Sakito... forever naive and... completely insolent. "You never know what you'll find when you trust people and take their word."

    He was met with silence.

    "And I know that's hard on your part but sometimes you've got to take the chance, you know? I mean, not everyone can be bad, even if everything points to the fact that they should be... Like how people that have things going really good for them can be bad too, though I'm sure things lean one way much more often than the other... I'm just saying."

    "Sakito," Reita spoke for the first time in what felt like a while.


    "You say a lot of things." Reita mumbled, smiling when he heard the brunette chuckle. It was good that they could be like this around each other--Sakito picked up on the fact that Reita liked hearing people talk when he was troubled, so it was nice having him around.

    "Nothing you can do about it, moping over there." Sakito teased, humming brightly, "But like I said, if you don't give people chances and take them seriously the first time, it'll only backfire and you'll be left hanging off of a bridge somewhere with no one to help you." the brunette flipped over on the couch to stare at the ceiling. "Everyone has their reasons to do certain things and to treat certain people certain ways--sometimes you just have to take a step back and figure out whether it's a good idea or not... and if you'd really want to associate yourself with this person ever ever ever or not. Even if it's just for a little bit, most people are useful, if not enjoyable to be around."

    Reita sighed, wondering if Sakito knew at all or if this was just him talking again. He frowned to himself when he realized it could have been from personal experience, all of this blabber that seemed to come from nowhere. The blonde knew that Sakito had a hard time fitting in with most people just for how much he talked and could get started up on anything. He frowned to himself then, glancing over at a brunette that was still staring at the ceiling. Did most people judge such an innocent kid so quickly? Sure, he had a big mouth, but it made up for the silence that fell between them since Reita wasn't much of a talker on most days.

    Kai's face when he was showing Reita those paintings flitted through his mind, causing him to screw his eyes shut. He wished he could go back and fix things, but... it had taken him by surprise... and he had to say something before he was just rudely staring... Though he managed to be rude regardless, but that was a different topic.

    "Hang in there, okay? Don't look so down, it's even worse than normal." Sakito offered, getting up with small smile and making his way toward the kitchen. "What's cookin', good lookin'?"

    It was moments like these that Reita was the most grateful for.

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    Post  Kai on Thu Oct 20, 2011 12:28 pm

    “So …” finally inquired Kazuki “... I'm, so to say, dying to hear what happened to you yesterday ...” mumbled the red-head as he kept eating the piece of cake, whereas the brunette, shifted his gaze tot he ground, as he thought just how much he actually did not want to talk about this. Mainly because he just would have looked so bad, and desperate, and just ... [b[really[/b] bad. But, that's what they were there for, and Kazuki had already told him something quite personal, so it was his turn.

    “I basically threw up my feelings at Reita, in the weirdest and out of the blue manner you;ll ever hear in your life … and of course … I was rejected, hehe ...” awkwardly explained the brunette, uncomfortably laughing at the end of it, as the red-head kept silently eating his piece of cake “... then not to long after as I managed to get myself home, Shera shows up, righteously accuses me to be a half-assed-feelings-tamper, tells me he won't try to get to anymore, but that he still will have feelings for me, and left” he then concluded, with a cynical punch-line tone.

    “Dramatic” calmly observed Kazuki, as he got up to place the empty plate on the table, walked back to towards the bed, and dropped on it closer to the brunette “Shera can be dramatic, but you do see where he is coming from right? ...” kindly inquired Kazuki, as Kai firmly “Whereas for Reita … “ he then resumed, moving into the bed, and placing himself right behind Kai, sitting on his heels and smoothly beginning to massage the brunette. It felt good really good “... it could be safe to assume that … perhaps … he is just your uncommon nice-curious guy … whom will try stuff with you, to then back out, proclaim himself straight, but try to be very nice about it … though he might not have been too nice about it this time around.” concluded Kazuki.

    “That's a possibility ...” lowly agreed Kai, abandoning himself into the red-head's massage. Reita not gay. Funny how he hadn't even thought about the fact that the blond in fact, hadn't even declared himself as being so. Basically he was pushing himself on to a straight person. Basically he had fucked up from the very beginning. But fuck! This was all so new to him, how wa she supposed to know any of what to do. All he knew was that people tended to kiss those they liked, so he had gone from that assumption, and messed other shit up.

    “You are getting more tenses Kai-poo …” informed Kazuki, as he kept massaging “... relax ...” he then lowly suggested, moving his hands on the brunette's neck. Damn … this really felt good.

    “Then again … I might be just "curious" as well … I mean … when me and Shera kissed I didn't feel anything, and he is not ugly at all ...” resignedly sighed the brunette.

    “Mmmm? ...” hummed the red-head in a skeptical sounding tone, as he instantly stopped his hands on his neck “... just "curious" uh ...” plainly repeated the taller. Then, curiously humming again, his hands slowly began to lower down the brunette's clothed chest.

    “Kazuki? ...” suddenly called Kai, instantly snapping out from the comfort-trance, as he watched unmoving Kazuki's hands travel lower and lower “... w-what are you doing?” stuttered the brunette.

    “Just curious you say ...” whispered the red-head inside Kai's ear, as he ended up reached between the brunette's legs. There, he began to rub on the brunette’s crotch with his right hand, massaging an inner tight with his left, and nibbling the lobe of the brunette's ear “.., if you really were just curious, you would have pushed my hand away as soon as I crossed your nipples …” sensually informed the taller “... if you were just curious you wouldn't be aroused by this, like you obviously are ...” continued the red-head, as he pressed his hand a bit hared on the bruentte's crotch, whom stiffed a moan.

    “You … are … mean ...” shamefully accused Kai, lightly lowering his head, as the elder stopped his motions, and dropped down on Kai's bed laughing.

    “I was just trying to help clarify your doubts Kai-poo~ ...” cooed the red-head “you are as gay as it gets, no doubt about that” kept laughing the elder.

    “It's not funny!” shyly shouted the brunette, suddenly feeling very exposed, and just so flustered. Was he so easy to toy with? “... so am gay! Alright! Point made, which most likely means that I could start falling for any boy, who kisses me, touches me, or even grazes me!” aggravatedly exclaimed the brunette

    “Look at me ...” calmly requested Kazuki.

    “What?!” angrily replied the brunette.

    “Just look at me!” pressed the elder, as Kai silently obeyed, turned, and widened is eyes in a very annoyed What?!!! manner “Is you are heart frantically beating now that you are looking at me?” inquired the red-head.

    “No” plainly replied Kai, not seeing the point to such a question.

    “Are you wishing I'd touch you again?” went on the red-head.

    “I'd like for you to get rid of my hard-on yes … but no, not really” sarcastically pointed out the brunette.

    “Would you have liked Reita to have done, all that I have don to you right now, and maybe even take care of your hard-on?” Kazuki inquired, at which question Kai stupidly blinked, lowered his gaze, as he he felt his cheeks vehemently burn. Then chewing his lower lip, while his head shamelessly replied Yes., he simply kept his gaze averted, and remained silent “... there you have it. You obviously aren't just any teenage-gay-horn-dog” nonchalantly assured Kazuki.

    It was good to know that he wasn't. He supposed. Yet, this newly confirmed and reminded him that indeed he was having feeling for a person, whom wouldn't find any kind of pleasure in thinking of him that way, thus, it quickly depressed him “... so … how do you fall out of love?” he then quite dumbly and unknowingly inquired.

    “If you ever find a method ...” readily replied Kazuki “... make sure to instantly patent it, you'll become the richest motherfucker on the planet, and you'll be more famous than Christ, Buddha and Mohamed together” playfully expressed Kazuki, pulling himself up to ruffle Kai's hair “... cause I. Or anybody has any fucking clue how to” he concluded, as Kai quite nonchalantly dropped his head on his chest, and sighed.

    What was new?

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    Post  Reita on Thu Nov 17, 2011 11:49 pm

    "So...? What are our options for the weekend?" Mally asked quietly, picking at her food in the same way. She frowned and looked up when no one replied. "Sakito," she called curtly from across the table. "Quit shoveling everything in front of you down your face for five seconds and talk to me, won't you? Suzuki's not feeling well, or so it seems."

    The comment made Reita smirk, knowing that Mally didn't mean it harshly, but also knowing that she was concerned. After an undetermined length of silence, Sakito finally spoke up- most likely after swallowing the amount of food he's shoved into his gullet. ... Freak.

    "I heard that there was one this weekend... some kid named Yomi or something?" Sakito shrugged. "I only heard it in passing. Then there's one at that tiny house-thing we went to last month, but that's all I've heard." No one knew how nervous the brunette was from throwing something so simple out in the open. Ruka said he would be there, right?

    Reita sighed heavily and slid his food back and forth on his plate, not sure how much he wanted to go, his thoughts still staring at Sakito's words but soaking in his own guilt. There had to be a way he could fix this, right? There had to be a way to go back in time and--

    Reita crammed a heap of food into his mouth just as Mally started a question, effectively stopping her and earning himself a frown. Well, Mally would have to deal with it, because this (cheeks filled maximum capacity and his throat sore from the mere idea of swallowing it all) was how he felt about talking to her right now.

    Damn straight, Suzuki. You tell them ladies what's good.

    He still felt like a fool, blinking at the soon-to-be-scowl and going back to staring blankly at his plate. This was frustrating. How was he supposed to think in such a peer-pressure-filled environment?

    All he wanted to do was to start over again, to go back and make things unfold differently. To get the chance to see if they would be in a different place now if he knew this ahead of time. All the things that Sakito said before went straight to his head and now it was just making him self-conscious of everything. 

    "Sakito, find out more of this party when you can, okay? I'll ask again too. Suzuki..." Mally stopped then and pouted  in the slightest, "Just get yourself together, this is depressing."

    She sighed and stood to collect the dishes. Sometimes, these boys were harder to take care of than children. 

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