Title - White

He'd be damned to hell if he said he hadn't been anxiously waiting for a reply. Yet he was so scared to read the reply. Why? Most likely the blond wouldn't have replied to that right? Reita didn't care about him, the way he cared about him.

The way he cared about him ... wow was it already that bad? Had this already left the crush territory? Was this that so called lov- No. Hell no, this couldn't be. Because if it were, this would be his first, and he really didn't want to have such dreadful memories of his first love. But, the way things were ... Almost jumping off his bed from the fright of his cellphone suddenly ringing, Kai hesitantly grabbed the device and red the text.

Why was he like that? He didn't know Reita that much, that was true, but he had always had the impression that drugs withstanding he was a decent human being. So how could he be playing him this way? Was it so much fun to play with people's feelings? Kai himself was presently taking Shera for an awful ride and just because of that he felt so miserable at times he just couldn't take it. Yet, why was it so easy to Reita?

How could have Kai ever fallen for someone like that?

You are the lowest. I wish I had never allowed you to get my first kiss, and God I wish I had never met you. So please, leave me alone.

Shakily typed and sent the brunette, while sobbing. It took a lot to write that, but he really was hurting, and he wasn't that much of a masochist to wan to suffer like that for how long more, even if having to have written that as well, seemed to be killing him just as much.

No matter how, it seemed he wasn't going to win anyways, was he?

First... what?

Reita pressed his lips together and stared at his phone again, not seeing anything--the words had already burned themselves into his head. Reita was his first...? And worst possible one, huh?

Tch. The first time he decided to kiss anyone seriously and, not only was it someone of the same gender, but also someone... who clearly wouldn't take him too seriously. He wasn't expecting this though, did it really have to be like this? Couldn't... couldn't he get a break just once...? He sighed and move so that he could lean against his bed, letting his head sit back so that he could be depressed and look at his ceiling at the same time.

This was incredibly... inconvenient, really. And he would have given anything at this point to get a different kind of text back... He picked up his phone to reply, but found that nothing would come to him. And who could he go to for problems like this one?

... No one. It probably hurt just as much as Kai's text. What happened to that kid who was so eager to talk to him and get to know him better? Was it bad that Reita had been looking forward to it? And that seeing him in the cafeteria earlier had put a skip in his step? What about how the skip stayed wile waiting to get his number? He put on a cynical smile as his chest tightened, closing his eyes as he felt the brunette's lips on his again. Had he really gotten so hung up like this so quickly? He wondered what it was that Reita found so intriguing about the brunette aside from that spark of loneliness that he could associate so easily with...

He sighed deeply and felt himself deflate after it. There wasn't anything else after a declaration like that, right?

So that was it... He was done... Just like that...

He put his phone down, ready to call it a night when another text caused him to jump out of his skin. No way. He would ignore it and figure things out in the morni--

He grabbed his phone readily and felt his shoulders droop when he saw that it was from Mally.

Is he at your house? Are you absolutely ravaging him?

He glared at it and flipped onto his bed, burying his face in a pillow. Life was unfair.

Also, I heard around that people saw him crying today, make sure you fix that. He's a cute kid. You might disappoint all of PRIDE if you leave him in tears.

He was an inch away from calling Mally and using his voice to beat the shit out of her. What the hell was he supposed to do when-- Wait, what? He was crying? Reita frowned again-- he was the one that felt ready to mope in a corner, why should he have even cared?

After a thank you text to Mally and at least ten more minutes of contemplation calling himself an idiot and weak and pathetic, he sent his own text back to Kai.

My apologies. What happened? Don't cry. <3

Wow that heart was so uncalled for. Why would you send a heart to someone that despised your guts? Reita Suzuki, you're some new kind of despicable.

Ha ha ha.

Was he really going to reply to that, even after he had specifically told him to leave him alone? How much stubborn could anyone be? God he totally should turn off his cell phone, and apologize tomorrow to whoever tried to text him.

Grabbing his cell still sobbing, but terribly shaking, he almost couldn't hold the device properly, as he opened it to press the off button, as the very short message flashed on the screen, right in his face, as the phone finally flashed off.

My apologies. What happened? Don't cry. <3?

First off, how did he know he was crying? Dumbly his instincts made him raise his head to search his room, and also go as far as him getting up and searching outside his window. Shaking his head at himself, he went back to sit on his bed, his head kept re-running the whole text message.

Was an apology supposed to cut it? not usually no. But then again the two of them weren't even together to start with, so perhaps the blond didn't think much of him kissing someone else, reason why he was asking him as to what happened.

Don't you just like making a fool of yourself Uke?

However, the more he read the message in his head, the more it began to sound off. Something was off. Yes he was apologizing. And yes he was crying. But it really seemed that they weren't on the same page at all.

Or, he just knew that he had found out that he saw them kissing, and now he was prying on him, perhaps because he knew that Kai like him after all, and he was becoming full of himself.

But if that were to have been the case the What happened? was absolutely off. Fuck! Brain trip!

Going against everything that normal was in this world, or sensible, and what more, Kai turned his cell phone back one and quickly texted him back.

What are you talking about? How do you know I am crying?

So much for You are the lowest blah blah blah leave me alone.

With the "I wish I had never met you" still burning into the back of his head, Reita was lying on his back, still facing the ceiling. His mind was slack and he was pretty much ready to call it a night. Who would reply to such a vague text?

... Why did he keep sending these vague texts? He felt intimidated by Kai's last text, really. He didn't want to bother the brunette more than he needed to... The "Don't cry" was all he really wanted to get across.

But now he was getting a text back and turned out he much more jovial than he thought he would be. Well, not that jovial. That was proof that he was crying right?

He had to hold his hands back from dialing the number presented right then and there. Who was he to go and try and console this kid when Reita was the last person he wanted to talk to?

"...I wish I had never met you. So please, leave me alone."

He almost cringed at the thought and put his phone down, feeling that helplessness rise into his eyes, threatening to spill over. Kai was a person who held such a lonely look in his eye, but in a situation like this one, Reita absolutely could not help him. He had to stand by what Kai said and not bother him anymore, right?

So... why ask him a question then...?

Wait... wait... no, no, no... Even if Kai did ask him a question, it wasn't any of his business to pry to places he wasn't needed, right...? Right...?

... Right.

Which was exactly why this would be Reita's last text to Kai for the night, no matter what. And he hated himself for being so soft.

You're crying now? Is everything alright? Don't worry me or you might regret it.

And that was no threat by any means... That was pure and simple, "Reita gets worried very easily about things and people he cares about, even if it's a small ordeal", and it needed to be addressed properly before engaging in any over-the-top actions that the blonde himself might regret any time in the near or distant future.

Did Reita care about Kai? ... ... ... Okay, fine, whatever. Sure, why not? It wasn't like it mattered too much in this situation anyways, did it?

He watched his phone carefully for a reply he knew he didn't deserve; or at least, one that he felt he didn't deserve due to the harsh text he'd gotten not too long ago...

How troublesome that feelings like this would come up out of nowhere and torment his thoughts like this... Kai, what have you done to this poor, poor kid?

Why couldn't he just leave his damn phone off, as he had done some minutes ago. What use was it to wait for a reply from that boy? Seriously, just how much pain was enough to be considered enough? Was Kai waiting for Reita to just come and physically tear his heart from his chest?

If it meant he didn't have to carry it and feel all that pain, that wouldn't have been such a bad idea after all.

Yet, ironically enough that seemed to be the solution to his problem right now. Having the brunette step all over him and his feelings, to the point in which Kai could truly not "get up".

Don't worry me or you might regret it.

Why would he say something like this and go do something like that? Then again it was possible that the blond had really no clue regarding why he was crying. He could have thought that something else might have happened to hi. In fact, as he thought about it, there was no way for the blond to have known about Kai's feelings for him.

It was just that ... Kai just thought that ... they both had felt the same thing. Perhaps it was stupid for him to think as much, but it felt that way, it felt like they had been in tune; like they told each other everything without having to have said a coherent word after that.

But he had obviously been wrong.

Perhaps he truly was as masochist, as the roles he used to play in his RP, for what he was about to do, was quite masochistic indeed, and still part of that "smash you to a pulp to the ground" plan he had just thought about.

(1/2)When YOU kissed me on Friday, why did you? ... Did you feel even the slightest anything when you had? ... (2/2)Did it mean ANYTHING at all to you?

He wrote and pressed send.

And now he awaited for his final blow, so that he could call it a quits and his feelings could peacefully die.

As drowsy as the blonde was getting in this bed of his, he stilkl couldn't help his mind from racing and threatening to keep him up for centuries to come. But it was because he hadn't been expecting a reply; he really hadn't been to keen on thinking about what to say ahead of time though-- maybe that was his mistake.

Or maybe someone up above loved him enough to have Kai respond to him, even if it were one last time.

... And even if Kai sounded like he really hated his guts and wanted to corner him into a spot where he'd have to admit something before he hurt anyone's feelings. What was he supposed to do now?

His fingers had sent it before he had any more time to think.

Not a clue. Were you disappointed that it was only a kiss?

WOW WAY TO BE A DICK. Reita was gapingly staring at his phone, surprised that he could even conjure such words to someone he wanted to comfort. He couldn't even be mad at himself...! Sure he was surprised, but not enough to say that he didn't know why he'd sent it.

Was he really so weak? Had he always been this afraid of anyone knowing his feelings and thoughts? Even if it was someone who he wanted to get close to-- someone who might have just confessed to him with a message like that...

He rubbed at his face before burying it in his pillow, throat tight and not wanting to emit a sound. He wanted to scream in frustration, but his spirit was weak-- he didn't want to tell anyone. He didn't need anyone to lean on or to talk to. This dread and fear inside of him... the fear of being alone in this house forever-- it could swallow him whole without a soul the wiser.

Maybe... just maybe... that's all he really ever wanted.

Never had he been so on the edge for the arrival of a reply on his cellphone. Never. And though there was a very little part of himself that was screaming loud enough for the reply to be something akin to a confession, or at least an indication that the other felt the same, on the surface he just wanted all of this to be over with.

Flipping the phone with a speed that not even Flash Gordon could have attained,allowed his eyes to intake the words so coldly displayed on the screen of his device, staring long enough before tears could blur them up.

Not a clue. Were you disappointed that it was only a kiss?

Well now, he supposed that was indication enough. Time to put peace to it now. Right? So ... Why wasn't the pain going away? For what FUCKING reason was it worse than before? Why were the tears flowing like a river, why was the sobbing louder?

There obviously not going to be an answer to any of this questions, and Kai felt like this time he truly had enough. This time enough was enough. Finding the strength to turn off his cell phone, he got into his bed and awaited fr today to just go away, and perhaps to welcome tomorrow in another worlds, or just into the body of someone else.

Preferably a cyborg.

The next morning, he woke up with his eyes heavy, not bothering to hide it as he got ready for the day and boarded the bus. He slept on the ride to school and at the gathering spot for the morning. He slept through his first four periods and ended up giving up on getting lunch in order to, of course, sleep.

"Ah, that looks more like him, na Mally?" Sakito mused halfheartedly, frowning in his own way. From just his voice, Reita could tell that he was getting used to the blonde that would drone on with or along their daily conversations.

His sister looked up from whatever she was doing, shot a sad look to the blonde's back, adjusted her glasses and nodded. Reita sighed inwardly when he felt her eyes on his back-- she'd know that last night didn't go so well and either console him about it later, rub it in his face, or be the typical Mally and not say a word past the concerned look.

Lunch was a sluggish forty-five minutes of zoning in and out of useless ramblings of classmates that Reita knew were higher than cloud nine. The synthetic arguments and vague implications at anything mildly intelligent to the point of being brought up wore down at his ears and sanity like trying to mill into a block of wet sand.

Fourty-five whole minutes of it all and he was out. Out to where? The rest of the school day and home... How exhilarating.

After lunch, he slept through another two periods before skipping the third to stop for a smoke out of a window in one of the math wing bathrooms. It was a little more risky, but the one he normally used was blocked for maintenance-- it wasn't like he cared, though.

He yawned as he leaned against the tiled wall, frowning at the fact that he still felt like sleeping away the day. Smoke billowed from puckered lips and Reita could still feel the pulling at his chest from the happenings last night, but he couldn't make himself feel as though it were done with good reasoning. He pulled out his phone knowing that there wasn't anything new for the hundredth time today and read back through the messages-- that made it two hundred times now that he'd read through these useless banters.

Why had he been so stubborn? So ignorant? He frowned around the orange filter of the cancer stick and snapped the phone closed, trying to sift the thoughts out of his head. The best he could do at that point was to break it down into a few points.

One: He really hated that lonely look that he saw in Kai's eyes. He could sympathize with that and wanted to get rid of it as soon as he could.

Two: Kai was hanging out a lot with PRIDE now, but still wanted to get to know him and talk (before that texting conversation, of course... Reita wasn't so sure how their relationship was now...).

Two and a half: As much as it made him nervous when Kai was suggesting it, Reita had been looking forward to it a lot more than he had expected he would.

Three: Maybe he had feelings for this brunette-- feelings that went deeper than simple caring.

Four: Reita was clearly intimidated by all of this and wasn't comfortable with the surge of feelings he was getting after meeting Kai.

Eight: The fire was crawling closer to his fingers-- he contemplated smoking another one in this dinky little bathroom.

Alas ... as expected ... he had woken up in what his mirror had confirmed to be Kai Uke's body. A reflection he hadn't even been able to look at for too long either. For some reason, he wasn't able too, he couldn't look at himself in the mirror and not feel like breaking it, or the person reflected, which; was it even possible to have broke any further?

There were a couple of more things that mister Uke seemed not capabale of doing that morning, for example, he couldn't eat. The breakfast which was such a normal process for him and his family to go though, he completely skipped, because he wasn't hungry. Yet, even during lunch his stomach seemed to have decided that Kai wasn't going to need food, even though he hadn't exactly eaten dinner.

Oh and ... what had they covered during the first three periods? What him not know; watch him not give a fuck about it. Shit though. There was a PRIDE lunch get together that he had completely passed on, four text messages from Shera asking where he was, if he was fine and thing of the sort, and ... a tap on the shoulder?

Turning around, he found himself face to face with Kazuki, whom silently stood looking at him, like he hadn't just ignored all the messages that his best friend had sent him, or completely skipped their meeting.

"For some reason I knew you'd be the one, who else would anyway ..." he sarcastically grinned, thinking of the fact that Kazuki was probably the closest, and perhaps only real life friend he had "... but I really don't feel like taking, really ... I no I look like shit and all, but right now I really ..." he vaguely trailed off, and Kazuki said nothing simply brought out a sandwich and chocolate milk which he handed Kai "thanks but I am not hung-" tried to reply the brunette, but the red-head shoved the items on him.

"Deja vu ..." he simply stated "... I need you to eat those at least, cause I have a feeling you haven't eating in a while ... which is all a result of my personal experience, and I wished I had a me at a time to force some food down my throat" he stated.

"Aoi is nothing like ..." Kai began but then stopped "... at least you do know that, the world knows, that he likes you. Well I know that he doesn't like me either now ..." he then sadly smirked.

"Just eat those things ..." merely replied the red-head, as if ignoring what Kai had said about him and Aoi "... in fact, let's go to your class, and I'll watch you eat them, cause I cannot trust you in this state" he stated, as Kai open his eyes wide opened at him ".. common lets go, before I cause a scene, and you know I will" threatened Kazuki.

"Okay, okay, okay ..." just go to class, I need to go to the bathroom real quick" he explained, as the red-head got his food back, and after suspiciously eying him he walked towards the brunette's next classroom.

Getting into the nearest bathroom, he held himself by the sink, and sighed as loud as he could, not caring if anyone could hear him. God he seriously couldn't get rid of Reita no matter how fucking hard he tried, he also seemed to be smelling whatever shit the blond always used to smoke in the bathroom he currently was. So it really was that bad.

No all he needed was hallucination, and then perhaps they would accept him into a mental institution; with any luck.

Reita jolted when someone opened the door, ready to hide the cigarette if he needed to, but definitely not in a rush to do so. He was hoping that whoever this was, they'd be able to keep their faces shut.

Or, maybe it was his little brunette that would walk in and narly scare the pants off of him. But he didn't bother looking at the blonde or awknowledging him-- maybe it was on purpose, but somehow he figured that Kai would be a bad liar. With one last, languid pull to the fire, one last moment of weakness, Reita watched the brunette sigh aimlessly and flicked the cigarette out. So much for the boring, boring day full of no sleep. Even when he didn't want to talk to Kai and Kai didn't want to talk to him, the brunette still made things interesting for him. What a delight.

Now, what was he supposed to do with the brunette ignoring him (or at least, not seeing him at all), back facing him?

He knew that his head was light and that he probably reeked of whatever he'd just inhaled so religiously, but it didn't phase him as he slowly walked up behind the other and put his hands inbetween Kai's hands and body, gripping the sink as well. The idea itself wasn't clearly very well thought out, but Reita was so close now that he didn't quite care. Not that being close was either a good or bad thing, but...

That light, sweet, clean scent that seemed to follow Kai around was begging for him to slow down. His breathing was slow and steady, but he could feel his blood racing in order to take in all the information he could right now. He lowered his eyes to the brunette's shoulder, trying not to flinch or shudder at the feel of stray hairs brushing against his cheek.

"Good morning," he greeted softly, as if it were the most natural thing in the world. "So you weren't disappointed that you only got a kiss, huh?"

What was he saying? Why was he saying it? His blood raced faster, but his heart beat the same; his fingers gripped lightly, but his nerves were tense. Where was the stop button on this train?

"What a shame."

FUCK.

Just how lost in his thoughts had he been? Reita had “actually” been there! How had he missed that?! And now he was getting the scare of his life. Terrifyingly staring at the blond's reflection in the mirror in front of them, he tried to steady his breath, as his brain attempted to processes what was happening.

What was happening?

What was Reita doing? What was he saying? … Why couldn't he just leave him alone, was there something on his face that made it so natural for the blond to want to torment him in the way he did? Was there something on him that him always want to come so close to him … it was almost as if … as if … he needed the contact; but why did it have to be Kai?

Slightly clearing his scowl, and his raging mind, Kai went against himself, put his pain aside, and tried to look into the blond's eyes from their reflection, and though he couldn't quite tell if he saw anything at all, he was sensing something; but what?

Kai took a few more silent second as he kept staring at the blond into the mirror. He thought what he was about to do over and over, and decided to go ahead with it. Maybe if he did this he'd understand, about the other, about himself, maybe he'd ...

“What kiss? ...” he calmly inquired looking at the blond, as if he had no idea what he was talking about to who the blond even was “... and please, Suzuki, you coward, get your heart off my damn back” he coldly spoke, and felt instantly horrible after having spoke said words.

They came out, so naturally, as he tried to imitated the blond, and give him a dose of his own medicine Never had he offended anyone with no valid reason, and as those words rolled out of his tongue, he realized how easy it was to do so. But also how quick regret was to come about. He was now wishing he could taken them back, but he didn't know how to without having to bare himself … was this what the other was going through?

No. It couldn't just for having said those things, Kai was already physically shaking, the brunette just wasn’t used to offend people without a reason. Reita on the other hand always looked so calm and composed which meant that he either was heartless, or … what? What else was there?

Reita started and tried not to make it noticable, but the words had him frozen in place.

What kiss... Yep. That's exactly what it was, wasn't it. So much for being afraid of any feelings. He felt his face harden in an automated reaction to being jabbed like this. That's exactly what it was. Precisely.

But Reita didn't give a damn, right? Not one bit, right? Not one bit.

Stony eyes flicked up to see the scowl and straightened shoulders. He had honestly been hoping for a different reaction, but... he would try again with what he had. Tch... get his heart off his back... So what if had said heart on his back?

"Coward; I'll let it slide. But if I don't back off?" he pressed just as softly as before, leaning forward just enough for his chest to brush up against the back of Kai's shirt. Reita swallowed the urge to swallow nervously-- it was too late to turn back now.

What the hell was he doing? There weren't many hints beforehand that Kai wanted any of this, but now there were lights and signs everywhere that wanted him to back off and leave him alone. Maybe PRIDE really was just what he needed.

But... "Can you even handle what I think I want...?" and "Do you really want to let me go...?" wouldn't leave him alone and told him the complete opposite of what he was getting now. The latter, though it kept him up at night, might have been the last chance he'd had, but Reita didn't want to consider that. Not yet. That lonely spark in Kai's eyes kept driving him on and drew him close like a moth to a flame. He wanted to make sure it was gone, but second chances-- had Reita already had his? Flashing back; one chance at the arcade (which he blew) and the other at the party (which he might have blown), right? Or were there more in between? Were they important enough to be considered as chances?

All he wanted to do was to ask if the brunette was okay from crying yesterday, before they started texting each other, but it was a little too late for that, wasn't it?

The blonde had to stop asking himself so many damn questions all the time or this moment would be good as gone. No fear-- he'd jump in head first. What kiss?

He tilted his head to speak so breathily against the brunette's neck, "Did you really forget what happened? You seem like the type who would enjoy and treasure something like your first kiss."

Reita was a hair away from offering the chance at another, but he really didn't want to just chase the brunette out in one go like he'd had before. He was really good at that.

Already, Kai was shaking for having had even the guts to have professed something so cold, but most of all; so untrue. Now, while he kept staring at the mirror, his heart began to race, as he met with sight he thought his eyes would never witness. His words had somehow affected the blond, if even just a little; the visibly had.

Because of the way he reasoned, the way he was affected by things, the brunette was about to take back everything he had said, profusely apologize, and make a greater fool of himself. However, Reita thoroughly robbed him of such a moment, deciding instead to keep pushing, or, if he had understand even a little bit of how the blond's mind worked, to hold on.

If only Kai could knew, if only he could understand what exactly was Reita holding on to. What was behind those ever clouded orbs, below his highs; within his heart. If only he could reach Reita, in the same way the blond always managed to reach him.

He had no clue how to, and he had no idea of where to even begin, but he did have one thing he needed for the blond to understand, and understand well.

Taking a huge mental breath he then turned around and pushed him against the tiny space of wall between two stall. Breaching their distance, leaving just so much space as for the both of them to feel themselves breathing, he newly gazed into those eyes, but this time he didn't not attempt to read them.

This time his eyes told Reita that he had no clue why, but he still cared. That he still wanted to understand him that he'd try again if he'd let him. However, they also told him that the blond was hurting him, really bad, that whatever he was doing, if by any chance wasn't meant to harm, was completely backfiring.

Moving a few blond strand away from the blond's incredibly tired looking face, his hand then traveled to the back of his head, after which without any hesitation, he kissed him. Gently but firmly, as if to repeat everything that his eyes had just said.

Then, before the blond could have the time to say anything at all, Kai kept looking into his eyes and professed “... now you also had my other first kiss, meaning the one I willingly choose to give to somebody, and I chose you. You can do whatever you want with it, it was my choice to choose you, so it wouldn't matter if you just threw it away, but say as soon as I got out of here you'd saw me kissing someone else … say Shera were to kiss me … how would you feel?” he questioned in a whisper on the blond's lips.

His heart still almost unbearable racing, as the sequence of his actions, and what he had just done finally dawned on him, Kai's face slightly moved away from Reita's as he wondered if he had been able to move anything else in the blond. Had gotten even a bit closer at all?

His nerves were already on end, but when Kai turned around in front of him, they were easily stealing each other's air-- he leaned back to give him more space to talk. But maybe he didn't need to-- he back was against one of the separators.

As soon as he let his eyes flick up to see whether he was about to get punched or not, he saw a flash of something he couldn't describe and barely comprehend before he was being kissed. He was being kissed...! He wasn't sure if he would have thought it to be more incredulous than enthralled by any means, but he definitely didn't react and froze on the spot. Eyes sliding closed as he eased into the comfort to back of his head, he didn't bother moving or reacting though. He knew better than that.

He visited Reita at lunch acting all nervous and giddy? Then Kai wished that he'd never met him? Calling him a coward and turning around and doing this? Though he didn't want to jump to conclusions, he was no fool. No one in their right mind turned around this suddenly; this two-faced.

He let his eyes open slowly, face displaying something completely unamused. He ignored the glare that threatened to show and blankly looked back at the other. Shera? He knew it.

Reita had been too easy to read from the beginning. That was his mistake. He wouldn't make it again.

"Who says I feel anything at all?" He wouldn't fall for it. Hating himself, he put a hand on Kai's chest, using just a bit of pressure, "If you want to go off and kiss Shera, who am I to stop you?"

It was easy to take the bait in front of him for what it looked like, but putting that image in the blonde's head was the worst part of it. Shera was popular, confident, rather handsome, had good grades, and stayed away from drugs. What else could anyone ask for? Reita wasn't interested in guys and it was easy for him to admit that much.

And how would he feel? What the hell kinda stupid question was that supposed to be? Kai was trying to make him feel guilty; trying to make him feel bad. Now, why anyone with good intentions would want to pull a move like that, Reita had no idea.

Which was why he was so easily assuming that these declarations held intentions that weren't as they so seemed. So with another baby push, Reita bowed his head, not too sure as to what his face looked like right now, but hoping that it wasn't deceiving him. If Kai wanted attention from someone, he would have to choose someone less vulnerable.

"I'll leave first." He turned and headed for the door, hoping that his steps weren't too hurried or desperate.

Why was this happening? Why was this backfiring so badly on him? Kai hadn't meant for this to happen, he had hope to stroke certain strings, but obviously had stroke all the wrong once Never had he seen Reita looking so angry and hurt, and before he could say anything, he was powerlessly watching has the other left him there, all alone, in the bathroom.

And it hurt, so much, he could feel the pain in his heart. It was excruciating. Firmly holding his hand over his heart as if it could stop the pain, he subconsciously dropped to the ground, forgotten and not even caring that he was in the school's bathroom, as he began to cry. Why, why, why?

“Uke! How lon- oi! Kai ...” quickly began and immediately rushed Kazuki, as he walked into the bathroom, and rushed to go and get Kai off the ground “... what happened?! Wait … was that Reita I just saw storming off? … did he do something to yo-” defensively began to speak the red-head but Kai stopped him before he could proceed.

“No … this time ...” he sobbed “... he didn't do anything, it was all my fault, I think? I don't even know exactly what I did, but it wasn't what I was trying to do ...” he lowly explained not even attempting to stop his tears “... it hurts Kazuki, it really hurts so much, please make it stop ...” he professed almost pleadingly, as the other soothingly embraced him “... I don't get it, I just don't”.

“So it is that bad uh? ...” resignedly whispered the red-head, as he stroke Kai's back, while the brunette merely nodded “... you really need to set Shera straight on this, as soon as possible ...” declared Kazuki, at which Kai nodded once again “... I swear though … I don't think I have seen you ever, end anything with him with a smile … I don't get you two ...” admitted the red-head.

“I don't know either! I really don't … I seem to not get him at all, and he doesn't get me at all either … every time our mouths open only spite comes out of it, it is like we are racing to see whom can hurt the other more … but when our bodies touch … it is the opposite ...” desperately tried to express Kai “... when we touch, it feels so good, and I am not talking in the physical way … on a soul level or whatever you want to call it! It feels like great, I love it, I love that feeling, and I love that he is the one that give it the him … so I guess it is unfortunately safe to say that I … that I … I-” tried to profess the brunette, but didn't seem capable of finishing the sentence.

“Shhh ...” gently silenced the red-head “... you don't have to force yourself, I got the point and you do too”.

“He is so confusing … sometimes he so sweet and nice, and then other times he gets so defensive ...” added the brunette as if he hadn't heard what Kazuki had just said.

“Well then how about you tell him exactly how you feel, no games no tricks, all as it is” suggested the red-head.

“I can't ...” sadly replied Kai “... if I were to totally open to him, and he were to reply in the cold way he does, I would really not recover from that ...” admitted the brunette “If I were to get the courage to tell him that I loved him, and he'd reply “well I don't” I would probably cry, yes, but then … then ...” he then paused lifting away from the red-head “... then I'd still keep loving him regardless I am sure, and that is exactly what I don't want happen!” he almost shouted crying in his own hands.

This was by far the worst day ever.

He'd given away another piece of himself, and also managed to increase a distance he thought was already so unthinkable, and now it just seemed all too impossible. He felt so helpless, and he just, he real had reached his limit, and acting out of instinct, more than desperation, he brought out his phone and began to text.

(1/3) I didn't mean to hurt you. I don't even know how I did! But you hurt me too and you act like you don't even know! But all of this is beside the point because I guess we brought each other to this point. (2/3)The thing is that I DON'T KNOW WHY, but I like you, I like you a lot. I like you I like you I like you, and I would like for you to help me understand you, help me understand you Reita, stop pushing me way, stopping making me push you way! (3/3)Help us Akira please, because I don't know how anymore!

Select all … delete. Like he'd ever would have the guts to sending anything like that. No matter how thoughtful. He wasn’t ready to die yet.

Reita dropped his things unceremoniously onto his desk and slumped into his chair, sighing to himself quietly and holding his forehead up with his hand, elbow on the desk lamely as he stared daggers into his desk. It would be a long day.

He frowned to himself lightly and dropped his head down to get ready to sleep again when he felt a small shake at his shoulder. He allowed himself to roll lifelessly on the desk before groaning and lolling over to one side to glare at the person bothering him. Sakito... At the worst time.

"Suzuki, you look like you're dying," Sakito commented airily as he took the seat next to the blonde. When he only got a low series of grumbles as a response, the brunette continued, cracking his neck as he got his things for class out. Sakito wasn't as nearly as scholarly as Mally, but he did what he could when he wasn't under the influence.

"There must be a reason to it, na? You went from staying awake all day to sleeping through everything. You know that they say a lot of hot and cold is bad for you, right?" he pulled out a bar of some snack and started munching on it-- the class hadn't even started yet and he was fucking eating. Reita grimaced on the inside-- no one knew where any of that food went.

"They say that the food fights in your stomach and causes you to be upset. Yin and yang are good things together, but having both extremes so close together is dangerous-- wean yourself off from one before starting another. Like drugs." he smiled jovially at Reita and the blonde was staring at him with one eye, wondering why in the world he did this to himself.

Was it that hard to just ask someone what was going on and why they were acting so awake and sleepy?

The blonde sighed and shrugged, starting to close his eyes again. "It's a long story."

He could hear Sakito's curiosity, "Oh, but... I already know."

That got his attention for sure, but he wouldn't give anything away just yet. He was too down for this... Sakito, couldn't you pick a different day? "Mally told you?"

"No, but she did confirm it," he chimed with a smile, "She gets so upset when you outsmart her, you know. Like in cartoons where they always manage to make the bad guy seem really smart and so everyone--"

"You tricked your sister?" Reita was appalled; every meaning of the word. He was almost awake now, giving the brunette the grace of more than one eye.

"Of course." Sakito said simply, pouting in his own way, "Why? You didn't think I could? It's simple-- all you have to do is--"

Neither of them knew that class had started thirty seconds prior and the teacher was well fed up with the both of them. She interrupted the pair, gave them detention, and started class.

The blonde, as much as he would have liked to blame Sakito, really hated his life.

Luckily enough he made it to class, along side Kazuki. He couldn't eat, but the red-haid almost shoved the chocolate milk directly down his throat, giving him his first true little laughter in what seemed like forever. He could have been alone through all of these, but he wasn't. Somehow he managed to have an amazing being such as Kazuki around, and at least for that, for once in his life he felt like he could consider himself blessed.

At the end of his class, Kazuki came by again just to see if he could try to also force the sandwich down, but Kai's stomach really wasn't going to be able to take it. The mere sight of it, threatened to get the chocolate milk right back out. So Kazuki gave up, but told him that they should spend the day together after school. Rather, forced him to spend the day together after school, though he really had no need too, given as how Kai thought it wise for himself to do as much.

Differently from Shera, Kazuki had no feelings for him, so he could relax around him and just let himself be, breath and just forget about things at least for a little. However, now that he was in his last period and the red-head wasn't in this class, but Reita on the other hand, was all over his mind.

If he thought about it carefully, the brunette knew a place where he could find him, if he really wanted to meet him again. The things was that … he was scared now.

Scared that if he were to look into Reita's eyes again he'd see hate and despise for him.

Thus, rather than having to be looked in that way, rather than having the blond repeat those any of those words to him, he was now feeling like he would just leave things as they were. He'd just avoid him. Not like things were any rosy at the moment. But he really didn't need a reply of it.

“Okay let's go-no, shit … wait … let's go this way ...” stated Kazuki, annoyingly walking in the opposite direction from where the exit was, at the end of the school day “... I must get my stuff today cause if not this idiot will keep holding it, and I want it back ...” sighed Kauzki, as they kept walking towards a dangerously familiar area of the school.

“Where exactly are we going? ….” hesitantly inquired Kai, getting a very bad feeling.

“Detention, Byo, this guy, he is not a frequent goer, but every once in a while he can't resist to go visit ...” sarcastically explained the red-head, as the brunette stopped on his tracks.

“Well then, I will wait for you here ...” readily professed Kai, knowing very well that Reita was a frequent goer, in fact he probably had seats reserved in detention.

“Lol, they are not dangerous criminals ...” stated the red-head, walking behind Kai and pushing him forward “... besides I can't currently trust you by yourself so ...” he professed as he kept pushing a rather struggling Kai, whom as they got to the entrance, simply gave up, and kept his head incredibly low. If only he could act normal, like someone else did, instead have having everything always written all over himself.

“Excuse me professor, but I must get some of my school material from mister Okada over there, we will be quick ...” announced Kazuki as the teacher bemusedly looked at him, and Kai whose eyes were on his feet, and was being dragged by Kazuki to stand in front of a brunette “my calculator pronto” coldly ordered Kazuki, as the brunette lazily yawned.

“Would you go out with me if I gave it back to you? ...” smugly professed the brunette.

“You are not in the position of requesting while holding my stuff, in a school, with a teacher … Byo ...” cynically smiled the red-head, as the brunette handed over the calculator “Oh and ...”

What next?! They really needed to hurry up, because Reita was in there somewhere, he knew it, he could sense it, but no way he was going to raise his head and search for him. He just wanted to go!

It's not my fault...!

Reita frowned at Sakito's text from a different seat and stuck his forehead onto the edge of the desk so that he could text under it and away from the proctor's eyes.

It kind of really is. I'm glad you're not as long-winded when you text. You might actually be dead then.

I miss you too, Reita darling. The distance between us is far too much for my frail heart to bear. To think that they could separate us like this and think that the true bond of friendship would sever like the seas under the holy god's wrath. <3

I hate you.

Bitch, quit complaining. This is boring as hell. Let me entertain myself, at least. It's only been ten minutes.

Reita held in a small chuckle, as tired as he was. He was still a tad peeved from being used and made fun of, but he would get over it, right? Sure, why not. He'd try.

He sat back in his chair and stretched, not having much else to text back. He hated days like this-- he couldn't even doodle on the desk like he normally did. Detention was always a place that managed to drag you down further than you were already.

His eyes were dozing off when he saw a shock of red hair sift through the door-- Reita could see that Sakito, who was about to knock out entirely, was quite awake as well with all the commotion at the front of the room.

But both pairs of eyes were on someone else entirely. What the hell was Kai doing coming back to detention? Hadn't Reita already made himself clear?

Everyone knew that Kazuki was a part of PRIDE, since he was so hard to miss, but it looked like him and Kai were getting alll buddy-buddy too...

So if it weren't Shera, it was Kazuki? The blonde felt his face twist into the smallest scowl as he looked back down at his desk. Whatever. He didn't care. Kai didn't either. He was staring at the floor like he'd killed a family. But motion from Sakito's half of the room got his attention.

Reita looked up to see Sakito waving inconspicuously, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"I told you I knew." the words were only mouthed, but Reita was already expecting it. Sakito was so happy.

And Reita, so upset. As if egged on by Sakito himself, the blonde pulled out his phone again, texting out of anger, spite, and a light sprinkle of fear. But he didn't want to let this chance go to waste. He probably would have pulled something more drastic had Sakito not been there, but he would make due with what he had.

What happened to that selfish confidence I saw earlier? Your shoes look a little too old to be staring at them like that, scuff or no scruff.

He frowned after he sent it, putting his head back on the desk. Maybe Sakito's long-windedness was catching onto him. Whatever. It didn't matter. He didn't care.

At least, that's what he'd keep telling himself.

He had no idea anymore what exactly was Kazuki discussing now, but the proctor had gotten up and was walking towards them, which was when the red-head quickly stopped apologetically smiling at the vexed looking proctor. His cellphone vibrated.

“Got my calculator! I deeply apologize for the commotion, we'll leave right now” swiftly stated the red-head, as Kai read the text, which as expected rubbed him the wrong way. Not making him angry though. No. It simply added to all the pain.

As Kazuki began to walk towards the exit of the class, Kai instinctively looked up to spot Akira. Once he had he stared at him for a few seconds, which he should have, being as to how he wasn't good at all in hiding his emotions, and he was sure he totally looked like he was suffering from the paying of having been stabbed though his heart. Way to go Uke.

Quickly following Kazuki out, he placed his cellphone in his pocket, and silently walked behind Kazuki, whom calmly began to speak.

“You are not going to reply to that? ...” Kai glimpsed at him, but said nothing. How wa she supposed ot reply to that. Obviously the other now hated him. Obviously Kai couldn't stand that. What else was there to be done? “I know this might sound like a very hard concept to grasp to all you love struck people, whom always seem to lose regular thinking abilities but ...” nonchalantly began the red-head “people do not waste tie texting people they do not care about … either they are mad or not … and they usually expect a reply as well ...” he concluded at which Kai, wanted to angrily retort something, but could find nothing to say.

Bring out his cellphone, he read the text once again, and got himself typing up unexpectedly fast.

Does it ever occur to you that not everything is the way YOU see it?

He wrote, angrily sent, and furiously chided himself for having allowed words to newly take the better of the two of them. Thus, reopening his cellphone he quickly typed.

(1/6)If I recall, I am pretty sure I had said, “say” I were to kiss Shera, which is hypothetical thinking. (2/6)Also, I have never assumed anything about your feelings, which is why I asked, but you did not answer my question,(3/6) and got defensive for God knows what reason. All this time whom among the two of us has had the control of the situation?(4/6) Isn't that not you? Because even though you can say you don't know me that well, that much you should.(5/6) I am not strong like you. And for once in which I show a bit of resolution you turn Godzilla on me. If me (6/6) acting a bit confident made you hate me, how would you expect me to be able to just waltz in and confidently look at you?

Press send. Shkily closes phone, and breaths fast.

“So … are you sure you said all you needed to say? Cause I think you left out ten more lines ...” jokingly smiled the red-head, playfully shoving his arm.

“Shut up … I bet you wrote literal letters to Aoi ...” teased Kai.

“Yeah .. actually I did, no joke ...” smugly admitted Kazuki, as they both lightly laughed. He was so happy he had Kazuki right now. Real life friends weren't so bad after all. Real live though … god, he should have been warned from that somehow, somewhere!

Reita stared at the first text-- honestly he hadn't expected one back, but as every text from Kai, it was interesting. He was about to text back when he the bantering between Byou and the teacher caught his attention.

But it was short lived as he felt his cellphone phase out of his grip and he jumped, looking up to see Sakito now messing with his phone, safe and sound in his seat as if he'd never moved.

Reita stared gapingly still and frowned. He didn't really want Sakito in his personal business like that, but the kid seemed smart enough-- he would know his limits.

---

Sakito only caught a glimpse of the first text that Kai sent before getting a mass of others. He was personally grateful to any higher being that the phone was on silence-- the blonde would have been able to hear any vibrations. The brunette looked over to his friend to see him, not angry and demanding his phone back, but sleeping.

Reita was such a kid sometimes-- too naive for his own good. He frowned at the messages, knowing that they would end up hurting his friend before helping at all and it really pained Sakito to know that-- whether the blonde considered them friends or not. His eyes flicked to the front of the class before back down to the phone. A reply would have to do for now.

That's kind of mean, isn't it? I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. I'll do my best in the future to make sure I don't screw up.

Hmm... what else would Reita say in such a situation? He added it to the end instead of sending another text.

You look cute when you're bashful.

That should be good, right...? Well... Reita was still sleeping, so... maybe he could at least wait for the reply. With an excited air, he put the phone in his lap and waited patiently.

Together, Kai and Kazuki, walked outside the school, and towards the train station, all the while, Kazuki was filling in Kai on what exactly he had started discussing with Byo, and even though Kai was indeed trying to follow at first, his vibrating cellphone completely took priority; it more or less muted the poor red-head.

He knew Reita would reply. If he had understood anything at all, the blond seemed to like to have the last word. What he didn't know, or rather, what he wasn't sure about, was the type of reply he'd get. He really didn't want to start a fight, but as he though his text over, it had the potential of perhaps rubbing him the wrong way.

However, no matter the reply, he was going to be ready, take him on, and take him to place in which they could both be at relaxed again if anything at all; which given their history was going to be rather hard.

Okay so … what was this?

Sure … Reita did seem to act pretty aloof for a lot of things that made Kai angry, and he always seemed to be very clueless about a lot. However, here he was the one being angry this time (well both of them were very frustrated) so this seemed a bit off … but what did he know about Reita? Moreover, very selfishly moreover, if this meant that they could calmly talk to each other again; who was he to start questioning. Right? And as he was about to write his reply, another text from Reita got in.

The smooth-talker he was. But watch him being incredibly happy about it. Ans even though he honestly didn't think that to be mean at all, he'd avoid conflict in the same way Reita did. Maybe he did wanted them to get somewhere after all. Maybe when they were in each other's presence it made him as nervous as Kai was. Maybe talking through a device got him more at ease and capable to say what he really wanted to say.

I didn't mean to hurt your feelings either, really. But you know, I think we need to talk, don't you think? This time you choose time and place, okay? And thanks, I guess.

He really didn't know how to reply to the last text, it made him blush so much, but he couldn't put it in words, so he figured that his awkward And thanks, I guess, would have to suffice for that.

“And then when I kissed Reita yesterday ...” suddenly stated Kazuki once Kai had clued in, and was looking as if Kazuki and Reita were truly kissing in front o him in this very moment “... I thought that would get your attention very fast” smugly professed Kazuki, as they entered the train station.

“Sorry ...” bashfully apologized the brunette “... just, Reita had texted so ...” tried to excuse the younger.

“Don't worry I figured, from the way you were holding the phone as if it could suddenly turn into a monster and eat you ...” laughed the red-head, as they jumped through the closing doors of the train, making it just in time “... good news?” he then inquired as they stood by the windows of their crammed compartment.

Kai silently shrug, but couldn't help an innocent light smile added to the action. There really was nothing he could do about his emotions, they just really seeped out, which is why it was so hard to grasp them at time, because before he knew it his body was already reacting. In the same way in which before he knew it, he had fallen so deeply for this troublesome blond-head.


# miss you and I am glad I was able to reply ... also you replied already for Sakito!! so Happy I'll get to it as soon as I can ... have I said that I miss you? ( ^3^) #

Sakito felt his interest perk when Reita's phone lit back up. Kai wanted to talk now after flipping out like that, huh? Well, Sakito could see the way Reita treated Kai so differently [in comparison to other people] yesterday in the lunch line, but clearly something had happened since then-- the two of them were in this never-ending tussle that just had each of them flustered beyond all kinds of repair.

He had talked to his sister about this, but not more than confirming his suspicions about Reita treating the brunette kinder and more closely than most of the people the blonde associated with on a daily basis.

But how did Sakito feel about this? All he knew was that Reita was suffering and that Kai was the source of it. He wasn't sure what to make of anything.

With another glance at Reita's sleeping form, Sakito made up his mind and started typing.

After detention outside of that one art room near the main entrance?

Was this really a good idea? Probably not, but it made sense to this brunette. He took a deep sigh and held his head up with both hands, elbows leaning against the desk awkwardly. He didn't want Reita to stay the way he was right now-- it just wasn't good for him.

Besides, anyone who payed attention knew that Shera was interested in Kai [Sakito hadn't been, but he had certainly been told so by a number of reliable sources]. It was a sad but true fact that the kids that Reita and Sakito hung out with, as well as themselves, were of no match to the popular and drug-free types; Shera, for example.

So Kai would obviously choose Shera and not Reita, right? Due to popular belief, yes. And Sakito would assume that until the very end-- it only made sense. Kai needed to stop playing with this naive and sensitive kid, and Sakito would fix that.

Wasn't this grand? … Was it? The fact that Reita felt ready to talk to him so soon felt like a good sign, but then again, it could mean many things. It could mean that the blond wanted to simply get over with whatever situation they had; or simply with him. Bitterly smiling, he got off the train following Kazuki to their destination, while he typed a quick message.

I can't right now, sorry I forgot to mention that I am with a friend. Like a “real life” friend. Me. Lol, can you imagine? Any other time?

Almost losing his cell phone in the process of getting out of the station, as everyone merely kept pushing and shoving, for a fraction of second Kai was left wondering whether it was so frantic in other parts of the world as well. It was a really random.

Just in the same way in which it was random to wonder how many of all this people had happy romantic relationships, how many were on the rocks, how many were unrequited. As he thought about it, he realized how everyone's logical assumption would be that the majority of people had happy and flourishing relationships, yet, Kazuki was one of the unhappy once, and it was already two of them.

Was this sort of happiness so rare? Was it actually impossible?

Caught on a whim, he brought out his cell phone and even quickly typed.

When we meet, if we meet, let's try not to fight? Please

“This way ...” swiftly stated Kazuki, grabbing Yutaka by his hand, and directing them “... I can't believe he really did that” bemusedly stated Kazuki.

“What? Who?” inquired Kai instinctively looking backwards, as Kazuki stood still, head lowered clenching his fist

“You see … it is this type of shit I don't get ...” he cynically began to profess “He called yesterday, and began with his general repertoire, but then I don't know how we got to this point, but I dared him to just sit at our … at what used to be our favorite ice-cream spot … with two ice-creams on the table … making it look like he had just been ditched”

“Aoi ...” confidently professed the brunette, as the other nodded “... want to go talk to him?” tenderly inquired the brunette.

“N-no!” loudly stuttered the red-head “... the Aoi I know would have never done that … that is why I had said that, if I had known he'd accept I would have never said it … it is his bad for now trying to become a different person ...” annoyingly expressed the red-head

“Go to him ...” smiled Kai “I'll be fine .. I really, I am might be meeting with Reita sometime, so don't worry about me” reassured the brunette, pushing Kazuki back into the streets.

“Call me when you get home ...” stated the red-head, apologetically smiling, at which Kai nodded, as he watched the red-head walk toward indeed Aoi.

Hoping everything could go smooth with Kazuki and Aoi, Kai resumed walking into the streets, and towards the airport .He was going to go home, but now that he was free he could have indeed met with Reita is he still wanted.

Something happened and I am freed up, still want to meet today? But am way out of school right now though

Reita awoke groggily from any rest he could have gotten with Sakito shaking his shoulder. Mouth hanging open lazily, he raised a brow to ask what was going on.

"Time to go, mister." Sakito offered lightly, shaking his head. Reita slung his bag on his shoulder with great effort that wouldn't have been needed if he hadn't been so damn tired.

He stood and stretched, his head feeling light as the blood rushed to circulate around his body again. He almost stumbled, but caught himself. Reita Suzuki was too cool to stumble from stretching and seeing stars.

"Ready?" he asked with a wide yawn, smacking his lips and offering sleepy, half-lidded eyes.

What he didn't see was the brunette's eyes watching him steadily. With a quick smile, he babbled off something about going to the bathroom and strolled out, pulling Reita's phone out to read however many messages Kai had sent. How troublesome. No wonder why the blonde whom so often frequented detention was so damn confused. Sakito hadn't even replied a word yet, but he was already frowning. With Reita leaving detention soon and Sakito headed in a completely different direction from the bathrooms and the main entrance to make sure the blonde wouldn't realize that he was missing his phone, this would have to go and be over quick.

He flipped the phone open and dialed, hoping that this would work. If not, Reita might get willingly caught up in something that was less than ideal.

There was no way he'd go home now was there?

He was so on edge waiting for the next reply, hoping they still could meet today, that he just wans't even sure what he was doing anymore, as he got into the first Starbucks he saw. A place he probably had never entered in his entire life; he clearly wasn't the Starbucks type. Without even going to the counter, he sat at the first table he found, closest to the window, and began to stare outside as if he could see Reita walking at any time.

What would they talk about? How should he start? Who would start? Were they going to end up fighting again? He really hoped they didn't. Sighing, he looked around his surroundings, finally realizing that he was indeed in a store, and that perhaps he should get something. Then again, Reita might decided to want to go to another eating place, so he should perhaps keep his money.

God! Why was this reply taking so long? Maybe he was just being impatient, maybe he didn’t want to see him anymore and didn’t know how to tell him. Maybe … there were too many possibilities, and so little Kai could presently handle in his over-excited state. Flipping his cellphone he made sure that perhaps he hadn't felt it vibrate, but as expected there was no text.

As he looked around, strongly clutching his cell phone, he began to wonder how long would he be willing to sit in that place waiting for a reply. Realizing he'd probably be willing to stay until the store actually closed, he sadly smiled at himself while scratching his head as he glanced at the menu thinking that if he were to indeed stay until the very end, this might probably end up being as expensive as buying the little bit of cocaine he had bought!